Source: The lessons keep on coming…..
The lessons keep on coming…..
Source: The lessons keep on coming…..
Author: rosieways
In my 60s, divorced with five adult sons, I live with debilitating fibromyalgia, angina & mental health problems. However these don’t define who I am & I live my life to the full!
I share my life with my self opinionated cat Chi, who is rarely far from my side.
Born in Devon, I now live in beautiful Wells in Somerset (UK)
I’m a Reiki Master with a passion for alternative therapies.
Refusing to give in to ill health, I’ve trained as a Tai Chi instructor & enjoy helping others control of their lives.
I’ve successfully set up and led a free, Community creative writing group, which, although I’ve now left to persue other ideas, still continues to thrive.
For a while I wrote a column in the local newspaper, have self published a couple of books and have two novels awaiting full edit before seeking a publisher. Life just keeps getting better 😀
The lessons keep on coming…..
I have been hit by a nasty flu-type bug, but an even nastier case of self pity!
I haven’t been overly well recently, partly due to my ongoing health conditions, partly self inflicted by overdoing things ( I have a tendency to burn the candle at both ends – & in the middle too!) The main problem though has been exhaustion caused by my extremely limited food regime. Due to food allergies & intolerances, I have been put on a very restricted diet, which when added to my veganism means that I am running with my battery critically low! This, I presume is why I have been hit quite so badly by this bug.
Through feeling so rough I’ve had to miss or cancel many different social engagements, which at this time of the year have been many. The real final straw was having to withdraw from a chance to sing in the magnificent Wells Cathedral last night! A group of us have been working really hard at bringing our limited abilities up to a standard befitting such a special engagement. I have been really excited about it but yesterday I had to finally accept that I wasn’t well enough to take part. I spent what was to be a night to remember, laying under a blanket, head throbbing, throat rasping, alternating between being freezing cold & burning up.
I woke this morning, very late & with a huge effort I dragged myself out of bed & began the usual morning rituals. After feeding my Master ( my cat) & finding myself unable to eat or drink anything, I headed into the bathroom. I still felt awful. Although I live alone, that didn’t prevent me from moaning outloud about how unwell I felt! With my dressing gown wrapped tightly around me, I shuffled into the bathroom, head low, coughing all the way!!!
Then It happened!
I glanced up & caught sight of myself in the bathroom mirror! It didn’t actually look like me. There was this old woman with a dour expression, frowning so deeply that it was almost farcical! I was so shocked that I stopped dead in my tracks & just stared! Then reality hit me. What the hell was I so self absorbed about?
I began lecturing my reflection out loud…………..
Yes, you have flu, you feel rough. You will feel better in a few days. What about those who are seriously ill? I doubt they are making such a fuss! Yes you feel really cold. You can put on warm clothes. You could turn the heating up. You can make a warming drink. What about those who can’t ? How about the homeless who are sleeping in shop doorways or under bridges with just a cardboard box or old blanket, if they are lucky enough, to shield them from the biting wind & protect them from the rain? How about those who have to choose between food & warmth? People die from hypothermia, young & old, yet here I am moaning about how cold I am! The realisation made me feel such a fraud!
I made a vow there & then to count my blessings, not my aches & pains. Yes I would be better in a few days.
l felt humbled!
I intend to try & do more for those in need, but possibly even more importantly I have made a pledge to be more grateful for my blessings. I will try not to take things so much for granted.
I am reasonably healthy, I am happy, I have all that I need.
I will use my enforced home time to think about how I will use my future, be it days, weeks, months, years or decades. I will let go of my unrealistic plans & dreams. I will do something positive. I’m not quite sure how I will do this but one thing is for sure – I will do it willingly, gladly, with a smile not a frown.
I will be clear of this bug in a few days!
I will be better. Full stop.
love to you all
Rosie🕉 X
New Challenges
Once again I’ve had to accept lessons from the Universe.
Today I began to clear out my office.
What had begun as an exciting challenge soon began to tell on my health. I always knew that it was going to be a risk, but one that I felt compelled to try. Although I am disappointed that I haven’t been physically strong enough to make a go of my new venture, it hasn’t been a wasted experience. Through it I have come to realise that there are many, many things more important than money or status.
I have realised that I get far more pleasure from helping in a charitable format. The pressures involved in needing to cover my rent & other expenses had begun to play on my mind. I had begun to doubt myself.
I have worked long & hard to build up the self esteem needed to happily survive as a lone pensioner. I was being unrealistic to think that I could just shrug these pressures off. Lessons in the form of a several week downturn in my health hit me square in the face! I was made to understand, in no uncertain terms that although my mind may be strong, my body is not!
Once again I accept the need for the lesson in humility!
I am exceptionally fortunate that being a pensioner, I do not have to work to survive. There is a tremendous freedom about not needing a lot . I still buy far more than I should, have a close to zero bank balance, but so what? When push comes to shove, what do I get most satisfaction from? I don’t smoke, gamble or drink from personal choice. I don’t buy expensive perfumes or fancy clothes, not because I’m deprived of choice – the exact opposite! I could spend my income on these ‘luxuries’ but why on earth would I want to?
I love the simplicity of my life these days. I have a busy social life ( too busy!) lots of friends, a lovely home, beautiful companion in my cat Chi. Vegan lifestyle. No car. Few holidays, haven’t been abroad for many years! But I have a lifestyle that I wouldn’t swap with anyone, or for anything!
I don’t intend to sound smug. I am aware that many people can’t understand how I can be so happy, at times I find it hard to understand myself! But then something will happen to put things in perspective again.
Tonight has been such a revelation.
Since deciding, albeit reluctantly to abandon the pressure to make a better income for myself, I have dedicated my time to a charity that is close to my heart. It is a small mental health charity in Wells , called Heads Up. There I found the strength & support that I needed to firmly establish myself as part of the human race after years of mental health problems. I now volunteer there when I am able. I have also decided to write to help others who find themselves alone, as I was, to overcome whatever may be holding them back from living a fulfilling life. I can only do this from personal experience, so am now grateful for the hell that I’ve been through. I have also realised that I have a lot of simple skills that I can share. I don’t need an office or headed notepaper. All I need is trust in myself & the path that I am being led along. I have that in abundance!
Strange skills are making themselves visible to me, choices that I never would have considered. I am writing blogs, poetry, I am offering help in many different ways. In each new challenge I find payment in kind.
Tomorrow, or rather later on today I am holding a free relaxation group for clients, carers & staff at Heads Up. Two things spring to mind here – firstly, me leading the session? Voluntarily? Me who not too many years ago couldn’t even speak to a stranger. Me who was agoraphobic for nearly 17 years. Me who was such a wreck that I couldn’t cope with life! Secondly I am in the laughable situation that I am always chattering, laughing, active, always talking too much, yet I find that I can lead a group of people, with a quiet sense of serenity that I never would have thought possible. I wrote the session myself, have written a guided relaxation exercise without really even trying & have many more waiting to be penned. I have found something in me that I didn’t know, a strength through gentleness, a voice through quietness, a new direction that I hadn’t ever imagined.
Another aspect to this class is – what if no one turns up? The absolute truth is that it doesn’t matter. I don’t feel like I need to prove anything anymore. I am giving the session, I have the room booked, I have the music, the oils, the mats & the words ready. If I am the only person in that session, it will be because that is what I need. I will run the session even if it is just for myself. I will gain a lot from it, whether I have a room full of people, or just me. I will gain peace & serenity in there, which I can utilise to send out to those in need.
WOW! How blessed & fortunate am I?
Love & blessings
Rosie 🕉
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Here is a link to my new blog site which I hope to fill with words, prose, poetry & inspirations both from my darkest days & my brightest. I would be delighted if you would give it a read & maybe follow it. Thanks. The site is rosie-anne bright.wordpress.com
TODAY I SURRENDER
You are echoing my beliefs. Lovely post x
Two sides of life
Today I had news about deaths of two people that I knew & although neither was a personally close to me, it is still sad to hear, especially when thoughts automatically turn to the distress & pain of those left behind. Later in the day I had a conversation with neighbours regarding residents in the sheltered housing that we share, who have left us recently,one way or another, their spaces in our lives now filled by someone else, maybe happily so, maybe not. A further resident was meeting relatives to remember a much loved wife who died one year ago.
All in all it was a bit of a sombre day.
This evening my flat & in fact the entire area was rocked by such riotous noise, that my cat went into hiding! It was the annual Carnival parade! Carnivals are a big part of Somerset agenda, it is an extremely popular, well attended & very well presented event. Conversations have revolved around it for days, local newspapers have made a lot of it & many shops & businesses close early in readiness. Even part of the main ring road has been closed since yesterday, as the carnival floats needed to be parked somewhere!
I love Carnival day, the atmosphere & community spirit is contagious. The parade actually goes past our building, so it’s very convenient for us ‘oldies’, we only need to venture out to the front of the apartments & don’t need to jossle for a good view. Unfortunately This evening I felt unwell & was unable to go & watch, but with my curtains open, although unable to get a clear view, I was able to feel the excitement & euphoria as well as being treated to a free light show as the lasers criss-crossed into the night sky, serenaded by extremely loud, happy music, singing & laughter.
I lay on my sofa, covered with a blanket, clutching a steaming cup of herbal tea, my cat hiding somewhere under my chair, I was unsure whether it had felt a good or bad day. This got me thinking about the two extremes that had entered my life today & the emotions that were probably affecting the completely different people involved.
These peoples’ emotions had touched me & entered my life, yet without actually being anything to do with me. They were influencing my life yet I was in no way part of theirs. It’s quite a strange concept when you give it some thought. How life goes on all around, happy, sad, traumatic, ecstatic & I’m sure much more besides. I can sense it, be part of it, yet have no bearing on what is happening, almost like being on a different plane of existence. Unreal, yet very real. Feeling without being felt. People could affect me without me affecting them. Isn’t that something that we should be more aware of?
Our actions, behaviour & moods can affect other people. We might upset them. We might cause them to laugh or smile, maybe we could affect how they then respond to their loved ones & so on, without us even being aware of it! When we are so tied up in our own bubble of life, do we even consider this?
So next time you walk down a street, or pass a stranger, try to only send out positive messages. Instead of frowning over the days problems or scowling over cross words that had been said earlier, try & think of the good around you, consider how fortunate you really are. Smile.
We live in a wonderful, magical world full of unimaginable beauty, yet it is also a place ravaged by war, violence & poverty. A world of opposites. Shouldn’t we do what we can to make it happier? Everything that we do affects others, whether we know it or not. Doesn’t it make sense for us all to try & give out positive, agreeable & happy signals? Simply smile.
Who wants to be the bringer of gloom? Certainly not me! 😊
Love & light
Rosie X
Challenging your own views
Respecting other points of view
I have a tendency to be very headstrong, especially if it involves something that I feel passionate about. I’ve always convinced myself that I know instinctively what is right or wrong for me. As I have grown in maturity ( questionable!) I have had to rethink a lot of my hard held beliefs, Particularly about my attitude towards anyone who tries to alter my choices without justification. This has been very strongly engrained into my psyche, even as a small child I have had to fight for my often unorthodox attitudes to be given any serious considerations.
I was always dressed in beautiful clothes as a young girl & wasn’t allowed to question it, even though I wanted to be like my friends- I hated being different! As the years passed, my personal choices became very important to me & it has to be said that I have been known to deliberately dress inappropriately just to prove my point! I have also been know to stick my heels in over issues that were really non important, just because someone tried to force me to do something against my will. Of course this is a very silly attitude to take albeit one that many people subscribe to.
Occasionaly however it is worth rocking the boat if you really believe it necessary. One example of this was at school when I was about 13. I have always enjoyed all thing creative, partly because it allows self expression. My art teacher was always telling us how things ‘should’ look & had a nasty tendency to alter our pictures against our will. The final straw came when she actually took my paintbrush from me, against my wishes & totally transformed my work of art from something that I was happy with, into her vision of what it should have looked like. To add insult to that humiliation she then told me to pin it on the wall, ready to show parents that evening. I was a very reserved, nervous child who did as she was told at school & rarely got into any trouble, but this time I saw red!!! I REFUSED! Point blank NO! It was no longer my picture, I wouldn’t put my name to it! Even under threat of punishment I stood my ground. I got sent outside to reconsider my stance, but it actually strengthened it. Defiance gave me a feeling that I hadn’t known & I have to admit that it felt good. Yes I got into trouble, both with my teachers & parents but it was a lesson I’ve never forgotten.
Unfortunately standing up for yourself can often backfire if not kept under control. We all need to chose our battles. Being the winner loses it’s glory if you choose to go to fight over every issue that you disagree with. Equally unsuccessful is the attitude of always giving in just to keep the peace – this causes unexpressed frustration & anger. Balance as always is the key !
Following a very turbulent marriage, during which I found myself losing control of my own thoughts & actions, I had to work very hard to rebuild my confidence. I struggled for quite a while because I couldn’t get the balance right – I couldn’t find the right way of stand up for myself without being confrontational. With time & practice (and lots of failures) I have more or less learnt how to express myself, but it hasn’t been easy! I have grown very strong & now am no longer afraid to oppose something that I feel is unjust. This however can backfire, sometimes we can be so wrapped up in the injustice of something that we don’t stop to question whether we may have got it wrong.
Writing is a newly revived passion of mine & whenever I have created something that I feel pleased with, I protect it, mindful of the art teachers’ clumsy attempts at improving my artistic talents. I treat my new creations as if they are really something precious! Some might say that this is as it should be, but is it really?
I attend a writing class which I thoroughly enjoy, however I am not too keen on criticism or suggestions on how to improve my work. I tolerate them, after all I know that they are being said as part of the course- no one is above learning & to do that we have to accept that improvements could be made. This happened to me again today & although I accepted the feedback, I quietly told myself that it wouldn’t make a jot of difference – after all, it was MY WORK not theirs! I noted the suggested alterations but didn’t really believe it was necessary. However I found myself rewriting my story, following the alternative ideas, Mainly to prove to myself that my idea was better. But was it? Now I am not sure. That’s the point – I’m no longer certain. Both methods have brought pleasing results, but both very different. This has made me stop & have a total rethink, not just about the writing, that will find it’s form, but about re evaluating our beliefs & views.
We all know people who are totally sure that their way is the only way. We are usually in agreement that these people are very deluded, no one can always be right. But how many of us are happy to relook at ourselves & our stance over issues that we feel passionate about?
As we grow, we change, our outlook changes, our actions change, but do our views change? I know that I for one have radically changed my thoughts on things that I once would have fought tooth & nail for. We all need to follow, like or do things that work for us. We are not sheep. All of us have free will to think for ourselves, yet so many still follow their parents’ political views without questioning why. Too many women ( especially older ) agree with their partners views on everything, as if they aren’t entitled to think for themselves.
I’m not advocating anarchy. I’m a peace lover. What I am suggesting is that we all look at why we follow certain things. If after reassessing our reasoning we come back to the original belief, all well & good, at least those thoughts will be current & viable for us personally. In so many cases there is no right or wrong way, just different. As long as we are true to ourselves, then our opinions really are relevant.
I learnt a lot today at the writing class. (Once the dreaded pride was pushed out of the way.) I’m a learner, no more, no less. I’m inexperienced, that’s why I am at the class. I need to be taught. I don’t need to hang onto things out of principal. I can reassess, rethink & change what I’m doing or stay as I am. My choice. As long as it is my decision & done for the correct reason, then it really is ok. I can go with the flow, or swim against the tide, but I really should understand why I am doing it!
whether you agree with what I’ve said, or totally disagree, as long as it is your own free thought, then I am happy, this blog has done it’s job.
written with sincerity & love
Rosie X
The power of positive affirmations
The power of positive affirmations
Healing through affirmations
recently I have been quite unwell & I have felt incredibly weak & in excruciating pain. At first I thought it was a fibromyalgia flare – something that regularly happens with fibromyalgia sufferers, yet nothing seemed to help it on it’s way. I had tried resting, working through it, ignoring it, dosing myself up on medication & on herbal supplements, getting crabby with myself & my cat, burying my head in the sand until eventually I began to despair!
As a Reiki Master I am usually able to bring my pain under some form of control, but I had got so desperate to relieve my pain that I had even stopped trusting myself.
At that point I realised that I needed to face the situation squarely & not procrastinate – actually DO SOMETHING! But what?
My most reliable advisor is the voice that comes to me during meditation, so surely it was time to actually ASK for help & guidance. After all, what was stopping me except pride? I had felt so well for so long that I didn’t want to accept that I was not on top of things. My social life was really suffering & I had been cancelling all kinds of commitments, which in turn made me feel really unhappy. It had become a horrible vicious cycle.
Deep inside I knew that I had the ability to do something about it all, after all we all have the power to make changes to our situations, the challenge is actually trusting ourselves enough to do it! So I knew that I needed to practice what I preach. I finally found the humility to ask for guidance, not for healing as such, just the key to how I should tackle my problems. I prayed , not in the formal head bowed, bended knees type of praying, but in a quiet, personal conversation with my chosen Deity. It really shouldn’t make any difference what religion you follow, the important thing is your relationship with your Higher Power. ( I have chosen not to discuss my beliefs in detail on here because I want people to judge me on my words & ideas, not on my religious path)
Almost as soon as I began to ask for guidance, I knew that I knew the answer. I continued to pray & did a little meditation, then suddenly it all became so blindingly obvious!!! I had half heartedly tried to convince myself that I was feeling better & wondered why it hadn’t been very effective. My Father used to describe this as being positive with a doubt! Incredibly accurate assessment. At this blinding light of revelation, I jumped up ( yes, literally jumped, I normally have to haul myself up!) And to the astonishment of my little cat, I dashed to my living room, to write down what I knew I must do.
I wrote, not one but 7 copies of an affirmation, which I then stuck to various points in my flat. With each copy that I wrote, I repeated the affirmation many times, this serves a couple of purposes. Writing it , rather than printing it out helps to fix the words in the brain, it also helps to make sure that the affirmation ‘flows’. If it doesn’t flow easily, it is less likely to feel believable & therefore achieveable.
For a couple of days, every time I saw one of the reminders, I’d repeat the affirmation several times & could feel the belief growing stronger. After the first day I was feeling a lot better, By the second, I could feel myself growing stronger, happier & healhier. Now, several days on, the reminders are still on my walls, I could have removed them, especially as I knew the affirmation word for word, but I need to keep reminding myself!
The guidance that I’d received had helped me realise that it wasn’t just pain relief that I needed. I need to understand that I had brought much of my pain on myself, through pride, through believing that I knew better than my body. I had been forced to observe humility as a form of penance.
We must never stop learning & relearning. We are mere mortals, not super beings.
We are here to do our best with what we have, no amount of medication can take the pain away permanently if our belief is that we are still unwell. That is why it’s so important to repeat the affirmations in a clear, concise way, seeing the outcome as having already come to fruition. Doubting the outcome would make the whole activity pointless!
I am so much better now, although I know that I still have work to do on my bodily self improvement, as well as working on my spiritual side. If I just said thanks & got back to normal, what would I have learnt? So I am still taking things a bit easy, even though it means missing out on a few things. Because I have learnt a valuable lesson, I hope not to repeat my mistakes, but who knows? But my intent is unshakeable. I still repeat the affirmations although not as often now. I have written it in my affirmations book that I carry everywhere I go. This has certainly helped me through a very difficult time. Hopefully you may find something that will encourage you to try it too. I am filled with gratitude & always will be. This relatively simple technique has helped me through a lot of difficult situations, I feel very honoured & blessed to be able to do it. It is a wonderful feeling, knowing that I have been able to play a part in helping myself.
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Affirmations can be used for many purposes. They work particularly well with gaining confidence, courage, strength, willpower etc. There are many ways to practice them, I am not saying that my way is the best, it is however, as my blog site title says – it’s as I see it. I do urge you to try using affirmations, feel free to research, or even better, find your own way. The important thing is that if you give out a positive statement repeatedly, it will send that message out into the Universe, helping it to manifest.
Good luck, love & blessings
Rosie x
Time for a rethink?
I attend a writing course & am becoming more & more hooked on it. I am writing mainly short stories & poetry but still it isn’t enough. I don’t feel that I am ready to tackle a novel yet, although am playing with ideas on a semi autobiographical book, time will tell.
As I have previously said, I have set up as a motivational coach which is still in it’s formative stages. I get huge satisfaction in helping other people & have an overwhelming desire to put my crap life experience to good use, however a new idea has crept into my head & refuses to go away! This in itself is very typical of me, I regularly chop & change things , I couldn’t bear to be stuck in a rut! However my idea could entail hitting my new business on the head before it’s had time to get established & I’m not sure whether that is very sensible – Hey but who wants to be sensible?
I really, really, really want to work in the field of journalism but don’t want to give up on ‘Fulfilling Life’ (my business) so here lies my dilemma………………….
I have been thinking about trying to get a regular magazine or newspaper column, where I could continue to act as a motivator, but through a series of blog type articles, maybe helping with readers problems as well. It would seem to have everything that I have ever wanted all rolled into one! This brings up many insecurities. First & foremost I guess would be the obvious question of whether I am good enough? Could I hold write interesting articles & keep readers interest on a regular basis? Am I knowledgeable enough to put my views out there, for all the world to see & judge me? Another question is that of pride – I have advertised my new venture extensively & had so many good wishes that I would feel a failure if I gave it all up now. Of course the simple answer to that is that it shouldn’t make a jot of difference what people thought about my life choices, I tell people this all the time! It has taken me a long time to cultivate my confidence, something that has totally changed my life, so why am I having a bit of a wobble in case people think I’m taking the easy way out? The saddest part is that I know the answers to these questions but I am procrastinating – something I rarely do. I need to put my trust in the Universe, write my pitches & see what happens, so why isn’t it that easy?
I think if I’m honest with myself, the fact is that because I am so happy with my life, I’m worried about rocking the apple cart! It’s not about getting rich, or about becoming well known, or getting praise, it’s just that I feel that I have so much to give & want to find the best forum to do it. I have had many different ideas but my physical health limits me in what I can practically do. I have severe widespread pain, predominantly through Fibromyalgia, and have other issues too, which prevents me walking very far or for very long. I also have eyesight difficulties & some cognitive & balance problems but for far too long I allowed my disability to dictate what I could & couldn’t do. Now I do the exact opposite, I push myself far too far to prove that I won’t be stopped. This of course is a stupid way of doing things as my bedridden days prove!
So why am I unable to settle for what I already have? EASY! Because I am human! Just like the people that I help, I feel uncertain at times, and don’t know what to do, but as I would say to them,
” trust yourself, listen to your inner wisdom, it will never lie to you or let you down”.
I believe in those words. They have just worked for me too. I listened, like an outsider, to myself as I wrote it down & then was hit across the head by a huge sledgehammer, or more likely a feather, of realisation. I must stop doubting myself. We get back what we put out to the Universe. If I send out negative vibes, I can’t expect positive resolutions ! I will begin to research my markets, I will write my letters to pitch for work. I will put my faith & trust that the right thing for me will come about. Whatever the outcome, I will be grateful. It seems so obvious now!
Thankyou for giving me space to waffle & work things out. I don’t know if any of this will resonate with you but it has certainly been helpful to me. So in gratitude I will say goodnight X
Keep on blogging, keep on laughing, keep on loving,
Rosie xx
Link to my business website
http://fulfillinglife-motivate.simdif.com
Email fulfillinglife.help@mail.com
Please feel free to contact me either through this site or fulfilling life.
I am also considering offering skype consultations, any feedback would be very welcome
Rosie x
Everything is coming up Rosie 