I have been hit by a nasty flu-type bug, but an even nastier case of self pity!
I haven’t been overly well recently, partly due to my ongoing health conditions, partly self inflicted by overdoing things ( I have a tendency to burn the candle at both ends – & in the middle too!) The main problem though has been exhaustion caused by my extremely limited food regime. Due to food allergies & intolerances, I have been put on a very restricted diet, which when added to my veganism means that I am running with my battery critically low! This, I presume is why I have been hit quite so badly by this bug.
Through feeling so rough I’ve had to miss or cancel many different social engagements, which at this time of the year have been many. The real final straw was having to withdraw from a chance to sing in the magnificent Wells Cathedral last night! A group of us have been working really hard at bringing our limited abilities up to a standard befitting such a special engagement. I have been really excited about it but yesterday I had to finally accept that I wasn’t well enough to take part. I spent what was to be a night to remember, laying under a blanket, head throbbing, throat rasping, alternating between being freezing cold & burning up.
I woke this morning, very late & with a huge effort I dragged myself out of bed & began the usual morning rituals. After feeding my Master ( my cat) & finding myself unable to eat or drink anything, I headed into the bathroom. I still felt awful. Although I live alone, that didn’t prevent me from moaning outloud about how unwell I felt! With my dressing gown wrapped tightly around me, I shuffled into the bathroom, head low, coughing all the way!!!
Then It happened!
I glanced up & caught sight of myself in the bathroom mirror! It didn’t actually look like me. There was this old woman with a dour expression, frowning so deeply that it was almost farcical! I was so shocked that I stopped dead in my tracks & just stared! Then reality hit me. What the hell was I so self absorbed about?
I began lecturing my reflection out loud…………..
Yes, you have flu, you feel rough. You will feel better in a few days. What about those who are seriously ill? I doubt they are making such a fuss! Yes you feel really cold. You can put on warm clothes. You could turn the heating up. You can make a warming drink. What about those who can’t ? How about the homeless who are sleeping in shop doorways or under bridges with just a cardboard box or old blanket, if they are lucky enough, to shield them from the biting wind & protect them from the rain? How about those who have to choose between food & warmth? People die from hypothermia, young & old, yet here I am moaning about how cold I am! The realisation made me feel such a fraud!
I made a vow there & then to count my blessings, not my aches & pains. Yes I would be better in a few days.
l felt humbled!
I intend to try & do more for those in need, but possibly even more importantly I have made a pledge to be more grateful for my blessings. I will try not to take things so much for granted.
I am reasonably healthy, I am happy, I have all that I need.
I will use my enforced home time to think about how I will use my future, be it days, weeks, months, years or decades. I will let go of my unrealistic plans & dreams. I will do something positive. I’m not quite sure how I will do this but one thing is for sure – I will do it willingly, gladly, with a smile not a frown.
I will be clear of this bug in a few days!
I will be better. Full stop.
love to you all