Spreading myself to thin vs doing too little.

My physical health has taken a bit of a downward turn recently. Although there have been several contributory factors, the result has been that I have been ignoring my bodily pleas for rest. 

Two days ago, following another mind numbing exhaustion, I struggled to wake up which is not usually a problem for me. I eventually dragged myself out of bed leaving myself less than an hour to be at a class.  The obvious solution would have been to miss it & accept that I needed rest – but that’s not my way. In true headless chicken fashion, I skipped breakfast, fed the cat at high speed, showered, grabbed my things & dashed out of the door, I didn’t even make time for a hot drink.

It was a disaster waiting to happen. I didn’t need to wait long.

I decided to use my small mobility scooter because my feet are particularly painful & I had a very busy day ahead.  I’m not a panicky person but was due to meet someone & I was worried about letting them down. With the little scooter heavily laden, I raced to the hall, conscious that I kept checking my watch. This begs one question – why do most people do that? I knew that I was late, I couldn’t go quicker even if I tried, so what difference did checking my watch make? 🙄

Once opposite the hall I began to get irritated by the stream of traffic that prevented me from crossing the road, all ideas of mindfulness had long since vaporised.  Eventually a gap appeared & I trundled across to the disabled access of the building.  I was so busy worrying about my late arrival, that I didn’t negotiate the slope correctly & took a spectacular tumble, scooter & all. Although not badly hurt, my pride certainly was, especially when a very kind couple helped me back to my feet & recovered the overturned scooter. I was mortified! Not because they’d helped, but because I’d allowed myself to get into such a situation. With a blustering thanks to the couple, I continued to my class.  By now with throbbing leg, excruciatingly painful foot & sore derrière I made my way to the Tai Chi class. Upon explanation, I was offered a seat / glass of water, but I insisted on carrying on as normal. It took a few minutes to get myself in the ‘zone’ but once calm I began to put it all behind me.

I learnt something very important that morning – I needed a lesson in humility.

I hate being pitied/ physically helped but I needed it. ( accepting human frailty) I also had an overwhelming ‘inner’ lecture about the need to be more mindful & not allow myself to be in such a rush. It never helps. Although The peace created in the Tai Chi was wonderful as always, the rest of the day continued to throw obstacles in my way. By my return home I was feeling unwell, dizzy & very fraught.  Following a couple of hours much needed sleep, I reflected on my day. What had the early morning rush achieved? I hadn’t even allowed myself time to wake fully.  Was being delayed such a problem?  I’m sure that being late but calm would have been preferable to the whirlwind that I was creating.  I hadn’t eaten breakfast, nor lunch & had drunk so little liquid, no wonder I felt unwell. This wasn’t helped by stuffing cakes & bicuits because I was too worn out to make a meal. So nothing all day, then an overload of sugar & wheat ( both of which I have an intolerance to.) 

Feeling a little sorry for myself, I later posted on Facebook, making light of my mishaps.  I received a lot of support however one really resonated with me – one friend, like the others, insisting that I take things easier but she also said that over working was a form of self sabotage. I’d never considered it that way before.  I do take on far too much. I enjoy what I do & certainly don’t want to stop any of my commitments, but maybe she’s right?  Is it my bodies way of forcing me to have a rethink?  I thought long & hard about it last night.

Today should have been another busy day, but the Universe had other ideas. The morning had again started badly through over sleeping. Thankfully an early home visitor was delayed & didn’t leave until lunch time. Being sensible I made myself a salad & decided to pay a couple of due bills on line. That Universe is sneaky – it took me almost the complete afternoon to get them paid! I had one complication after another! Before I knew it, the afternoon was gone. I had unintentionally sat for most of the day. Almost unheard of!  That really is the reason for this blog.

So many people have advised me to take things easier. What if I did?  I don’t enjoy housework  & won’t watch day time TV, what constitutes doing less?  If I stayed at home more, cancelled my groups, clubs & interests, I would be writing all day. This sounds terrific but in honesty, if it was enforced, surely it would then lose it’s appeal?  I enjoy helping people, I love interacting with others. I couldn’t do that shut away at home. There has to be a middle ground, some way of still meeting & helping people without causing myself such problems? It seems that everything is made worse by inability to wake up, could the main problem be simply lack of sleep? I don’t get a lot of shut eye. I’m on the computer until the early hours, then have only a few hours before The alarm tells me it’s time to start again. So that’s where I’m going to start. I shall get to bed earlier & see what happens if my body gets a few more regular hours of nightly rest.
I shall post this, then go to bed. I may or may not go into work tomorrow. I’m going to try to listen to my body more carefully. Like all habits, late nights will be difficult to break, but I’m determined.

 I’ve come too far on this wondrous journey to allow myself to sabotage it all. I will take a small backward step & who knows? It could turn out to be a huge leap forward!😉

Take care everyone, thanks for reading this,

Rosie X

If you enjoy reading my blog, please ‘like’ ,’share’ & ‘follow’. It’s good to know that people read it. 

Have you ever considered writing your own blog? It’s very liberating & extremely easy. Why not give it a go? We all have something worth sharing X

Power is in the air.

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Whether you are a believer in natural magic or not, most people accept that the Moon has a huge influence over our lives.
I can always tell when the Moon is nearing full – my inspirations & energy go into overdrive. It’s fantastic but does wreak havoc with my sleep pattern.

People throughout the generations have used the phases of the Moon to decide when the optimum time is to set plans into action, plant seedlings, harvest food & many other things. The Universal energies are intense at the time of the full Moon, so it makes sense to use that time to do things that need a positive boost. Similarly the New Moon is the time to start new plans & ideas.

As I am getting older, this energy force is getting more pronounced. If I’ve been planning something, I know that the full Moon is the time to set things in motion. At the moment I am eager to get my workshop booked, the Moon tells me not to procrastinate, do it now. I trust my intuition. I know when the time is right. Unfortunately I am also a 60+ scatterbrain! I am attempting to get more organised & yes, I am getting there but it’s frustrating when I miss a deadline or appointment because I have so much on my mind.

The bizarre thing is that when I need to focus on a particular subject, I find that I naturally prioritise & almost become a different person.
Rosie the motivational speaker or Rosie the workshop leader is very different from Rosie the shopaholic or chatterer. I think that we all have several personas but are often afraid to allow the other sides of our personalities to shine through. It seems logical that for us to be in total balance, we have to allow all sides of our being to be used.

I used to think that the scatterbrained me was who I was, but I now realise that I was very much mistaken. Initially at any function or meeting, I have 5 minutes of mayhem, once that’s out of my system, I can commit to my given task. In an ideal world I would always choose to arrive early at an event, but I haven’t yet mastered that. When I arrive in a rush, I don’t have time for my energies to settle & am like a whirling dervish. Clients & friends tend to look on, very dubious at the wisdom/ ability of this madwoman. I have been told on many occasions how pleasantly surprised they have been once I settle into my balanced self.

As my T’ai Chi training progresses, I am becoming more capable of finding my inner calm without the whirlwind start, unfortunately I am often running so late that I don’t allow myself the time to get centred.

Ah well. Nobody is perfect. Like most of the human race, I am work in progress. As I previously mentioned, I am getting there, but at times I need to forgive myself for not being more organised. Maybe one day😉.

Rosie X

Thank you for taking time to read my ramblings.
If you enjoyed it, please ‘like ‘ ‘share’ & follow me.
Getting new followers is very pleasing & helps me to write more regularly.

Something I Never Expected to Happen Once I Started Meditating — Meditating Millennial

“I created this website to record my journey as motivation for myself.” If you have read the blog goals in the About Meditating Millennial section, you will see that line. But I had no idea just how much I would gain from blogging my meditation journey. It wasn’t what I had ever expected.

via Something I Never Expected to Happen Once I Started Meditating — Meditating Millennial

Katlin, 32, Arizona, US — This is what a person with mental illness looks like

“I’m a homemaker, and I live with Rapid Cycling Bipolar I Disorder, Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia, PTSD, fibromyalgia and chronic migraines. Vadim is my husband. He is also 32, a high school teacher, and lives with Major Depressive Disorder. We have been married for over 3 years now. Our illnesses are challenging because my husband […]

via Katlin, 32, Arizona, US — This is what a person with mental illness looks like

The busier my life, the better it gets.

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There was a time, not too many years ago when the idea of being busy would have seemed abhorent to me. I had no energy & couldn’t understand those who urged me to do more – how could I? I was ill, depressed, too worn out to care. What did those do-gooders know about my life?

I ignored them.
I stayed stuck in my misery.

Today someone reminded me about a saying that I felt was very apt. I might not get the quote exactly correct but I’m sure you’ll get the gist of it.
Unfortunately I don’t know the author either, but here are the words:

If you always do what you’ve always done, in the same ways as you always done them. You will always get the same results.

Simple words, yet very true.
In those days gone by, I was doing exactly what I shouldn’t. I bemoaned that life was too exhausting, that I felt lethargic, uninspired, lacking in motivation. I wasn’t willing to try any other way. Sure I’d read self help books & listened to those ‘in the know’ but they were talking idealism, not real life. Or so I believed.

As regular subscribers will know, things changed for me quite dramatically. It took a while for the changes in my mind set to really filter through but it seems that the Universe has accepted my genuine desire for change. Life keeps on improving. The point that I’m making here is that things didn’t just fall into my lap. I had to work at it.

So how did I find the energy to do all the things that are making my life so complete? Simple really – I forced myself to put more in! It’s inconceivable that success & happiness will come for no reason. Obviously I had to play my part. I began to do things to help others,I’d always wanted to but hated the idea of being rejected, so was reluctant to offer. I forced myself to challenge that fear & began volunteering, befriending & at first simply trying to be a helpful & considerate neighbour. People expressed gratitude, I felt useful. I needed to do more.
I set my intention to be a good, kind, useful member of society. I asked for guidance. At times the ideals seemed impossible to ever achieve. I was just me, a little old woman with some pretty batty ideas! But something urged me to continue. I volunteered more, did more. I turned off the television. I stopped procrastinating. I began ‘doing’. It still exhausts me yet it’s so intoxicating that I never want to give up.

I fit more in my week than I previously would have done in a year ( or more). Although It makes me so tired, it means that I generally sleep well. I’ve become fitter, calmer & far more ‘balanced’ in every sense. I’ve also learnt to respect my body more. At times the pain rips through my body like a red hot poker, nothing can ease it. At these times I know that going out walking or working would be counter productive, so I remain at home. Here is where the difference comes – yes I’m at home, maybe, like now with my poor aching feet raised high, but I do something to keep my mind from fixating on my pain. I write a lot when I’m in pain, there again I’m regularly in pain! The thing is that keeping busy, having something to focus on, having a reason to force myself to get on with things or to drag myself out to a meeting is good. It’s extremely therapeutic.
All of my time is used usefully, even ‘wasted time’ isn’t really wasted, If my body needs to sleep, I sleep. If I need to relax, I do so mindfully or use meditation. I no longer force myself to fit into a schedule of what I feel that I have to do, I do things because I want to. I get so many rewards from helping others (emotional, not financial) I love seeing people happy, the work is it’s own reward. I enjoy everything about my life now, even the niggling annoyances of general life serve a purpose. There is positivity in absolutely everything, even though we can’t always see it at the time. If we are open to accept the good things that are offered, they will come, rarely in the form or way that had been anticipated but good things will come in abundance. At times I feel overwhelmed by the gifts that the Universe has showered on me, but I accept graciously & genuinely knowing that it is reward for what I do for others. I feel gratitude for these opportunities. The embarrassing part is that simply enjoying everything is reward enough.
I do things because I can. I can do things because I work at it. I work at it because I enjoy it. I enjoy it because I’m doing what I love & love what I do.

Wow! I’ve just surprised myself by what I’ve written. It’s late at night, I have a busy day tomorrow & a kitchen that looks like there’s been an earthquake in there but it doesn’t matter. I will sleep well & in the morning I will deal with what needs to be done. If that means the housework stays undone – does it really matter? Having a sparkling kitchen or smiling people? No contest!

This has been a bit of a ramble tonight. I hadn’t intended to write anything so it has all tumbled out, totally unplanned. I hope that you can follow my line of thought.

Until next time, look after yourselves & those around you.
Be happy,

Rosie X

If you have enjoyed this blog, please ‘like’, ‘share’ and ‘follow’. Tell your friends about it. Let’s see if we can get this blog a wider audience. Not for glory, not for egotism, simply to share my love of life & gratitude to have been given the chance to make a difference, no matter how small.
Imagine how good this world would be if everyone tried giving instead of taking?
Bye for now X

A speaker worth listening to.

At my writing group today I recommended that a few members look up a motivational speaker & one of his most famous talks.

I will try to get a link for everyone but until then, I urge you to look up The Bozo on the bus, by Wavy Gravy. He is a very influential speaker & I love his simplistic yet deep analogies. Google it & see what you think.

Rosie x

I only need prove to myself.

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Recently I have questioned myself about where my confidence has come from & why I keep setting myself challenges. I’m not totally sure of the answer but am so thankful that I feel this way.

Today two people were teasing me about my forthcoming charity abseil, saying that I was proving something to everyone else. They couldn’t have been more wrong.
Of course it will be great to show the world that I can do it – me, little old age pensioner me! Naturally I hope that my children will be very proud of me but ultimately I’m doing the challenge for two very different reasons. The first being that I want to raise money for SOS Africa, as the plight of the people there is abhorrent. I’ve raised funds for the Country in a few ways but this is definitely the biggest that I’ve done.

I had hoped to volunteer in Ghana this October, teaching young children in the poorest parts of the area. It probably wouldn’t have helped very much but at least I would have tried. Unfortunately common sense has stopped me from going.

My health is very variable & I can have a bad spell without warning. Over there I would have been pushing myself to keep going, which is really asking for trouble. If I had become ill, I would have become a burden on the host family which would have been dreadful for them. I realised that going over there alone, with my health issues was being selfish.

I wanted to go. I wanted to do it. I wanted to be of help.
Sometimes however it’s more important to see the bigger picture.

There’s such a lot that I would like to do before this life ends. I wasted so many years through having agoraphobia that my choices are now limited. My teenage years weren’t filled with mad stunts,I was too busy being a Mum. I didn’t have the opportunity to explore the world or have exciting experiences, my children took up all of my time. Now so many years later, when many people begin to slow down, I want to experience everything that I am able.
I could save up & maybe in a few years afford a really exotic holiday but the thought leaves me hollow. What I want to experience is something that will enrich my life. Teach me something. I don’t need posh holidays, I’m content with what I do. I want something that money can’t buy me – and that is the inner satisfaction of proving to myself that I have enough trust and faith in the Universe to take these challenges.

I was a cowardly child. A nervous teenager. A troubled young mum & then a very anxious, depressed middle age woman. I was always so needy, incapable of managing anything on my own.

WHAT A WASTE OF LIFE!

Things are very different now.
I want to prove to myself that I have overcome those problems. I have finally discovered the real me & am happy but It doesn’t alter all of the wasted years.
Challenging myself helps me, helping others in the process makes everything even more worthwhile.

I want to embrace life. Celebrate being alive. That’s why I push myself. I could be taking it easy. Instead I fill my life with many diverse things, none of which I could have ever dreamed possible.
So no I’m not doing it for glory or to impress anyone. It’s my way of saying thank you for being alive and capable. I know how fortunate I am to have come through what I did. This is my way of showing gratitude.
I will be doing the abseil at the same time as I had planned to travel to Ghana – one door closed and another one immediately opened. Isn’t that amazing?

I will continue to challenge myself, some things may be trivial, some may not, but I don’t intend to waste any more of my precious time on this earth.

Rosie X

I hope that this has struck a chord with some of you & urge you to make the most of every single day.

Thanks for reading this. Please ‘follow’ & share my blogs, your support means such a lot X

Life keeps getting better

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Each time I believe that my life has reached it’s peak, it proves me wrong & something even more wonderful happens.

Despite my reservations I recently set up a free writing group which has been running for a few weeks now. Attendance has been comparatively low which has been disappointing, however I realised that I was sending out the wrong signals to the Universe. I had been doubting my competence, once I dismissed that notion & realised that knowing that I was capable was not an ego trip, things began to change. This week I have had several enquirers from potential new members. Hopefully they will all come but It matters not if they change their minds – I won’t.

Everyday I become more certain of my abilities. I am continually learning new skills. My enthusiasm is growing for the writing group as well as a few other projects that I have in the pipeline.

So many people believe that their life wanes as they age. I don’t believe that it does. What seems to happen is that we need to change our direction as we age. Things that inspired or interested us when we were young lose their appeal or are no longer relevant. Too many people are afraid to let go & hang on to what they used to do/ be good at. This prevents them from learning new skills & finding new interests that would suit them better. There is so much that is out there to learn & experience. Don’t let fear hold you back-
GO FOR IT!😉

How much had I been missing?

outside in the sunshine

Today has been exceptionally good for me. I haven’t come into money, or met the man of my dreams, nor have I been on an exotic jaunt. No, my days was blessed with simple pleasures.

Despite feeling unwell, a fellow writer dragged herself out to pick me up, enabling me to attend a much enjoyed writing retreat in Frome. I had expected to miss it due to her illness, so being able to attend was terrific. I was able to do quite a significant amount of work, despite us needing to leave early.
I met several new people, hopefully recruiting a few new members for my writing group. I also paid a visit to the cottage that is key to my novel. All in all, an enjoyable morning. But there was much more to come……

The day has been very sunny and warm, too nice to go home, so I uncovered my mega size mobility scooter and headed for one of Wells’ jewels – The Bishops Palace. I was fortunate enough to have been given a membership by a dear friend which allows me free access to the magnificent gardens. I frequently go there to write, especially if I feel a little bogged down with hum-drum life. Today however, I simply wanted to bask in the sun.
I have recently been unwell (hence no blogs)and have become a slight recluse, purely because I didn’t have strength to venture outside. I hadn’t realised how much I had missed it.

I was filled with pleasure from the outset, having chosen to use a bridleway rather than the town centre. I’ve lived here for four years but for some inexplicable reason I had never used this route. Although the road has houses, they are non obtrusive and all the way there are overhanging trees and bushes. I immediately felt at peace. I even noticed the first blackberries of the season, something which, for some reason always excites me.
After a pleasant ride alongside the moat, observing the ducks and almost fully grown cygnets, I enjoyed a glass of elderflower presse, overlooking the palace before entering the gardens. That’s when I felt totally serene.

Leaving my mobility scooter safely inside the grounds, I continued on foot across the stream towards my favourite writing spot. Seating myself down, I tied my scarf around my shorn hair to protect me from the searing heat & settled down to get on with my stories, but was couldn’t. Sipping my water, I closed my eyes and enjoyed feeling the suns rays impregnating my skin. All around people were in good humour, due mainly to the weather I imagine, but I paid very little attention to them. The sounds of nature were speaking far louder. The water flowed, ducks quacked, birds chirped, leaves rustled and bees buzzed, I’m sure that I could even hear the insects scurrying around. It was idyllic.
My mind drifted to a time and place when I lived on Dartmoor, a memory that had become tainted by life problems. A storyline came into my head and as I quickly scribbled it onto paper, I knew that the happy feelings could be recalled. I felt myself smiling like a goon! Bare feet, scarfed head, a batty old woman sitting, grinning to herself but I didn’t care.

I spent a while writing before roughly sketching the scene. A couple of elderly neighbours stopped to exchange pleasantries before wending their way around the grounds. The Cathedral clock chimed. Taking a further sip of water, I realised what was making me so happy.
Life.
Pure and simple.
Life.

I have recently spent quite a while sharing the details of my 17 year battle with crippling agoraphobia. I’ve even had a near full page article about it published. Life is rapidly changing, new opportunities are making themselves known. I’m so enthralled with the fullness of my life, but I still hadn’t truly grasped what had happened previously. For seventeen long, lonely, miserable years I hadn’t spent any time outside. The warm air hadn’t brushed my skin. The breeze hadn’t blown through my (then long) hair. I hadn’t lifted my face to the sun, or heard the calls of the birds. I had been imprisoned through fear, yet it had affected me in ways that I hadn’t considered.

I now understand why it is so vital for me to encourage others to step outside. Face life. Face their demons, their challenges, their fears. No-one should take the elements for granted. It wasn’t just my physical freedom that I gave up – it was all of the years of poetry and song, writing and drawing. It was my potential that I had turned my back on.

I have been so fortunate to have been given another chance. If I could bottle that feeling of sunshine in my heart as well as my body, I would. Can you imagine sharing that with people in despair? Unfortunately I am unable to do that but came home with the knowledge of what I need to do.

I have been toying with the idea of giving motivational talks (not speeches)but have been dismissing it as a flight of fancy. It’s not. I have those feelings inside of me. I can write about them but I can also talk about them. I’m very capable. I KNOW THAT I CAN DO IT. It was the aftermath of the grey existence that was preventing me, causing doubt. The heady influence of the sun has warmed my soul, shone over my path, guiding me on the role that I was kept alive for. I feel so excited. I’m sure that the road won’t be smooth but it doesn’t matter one bit. I have a story to share, an ability to express it.
WOW!
A couple of hours ago I signed with a motivational speakers agency. The Universe won’t send me clients/jobs unless I’m ready. I’ve got no reason to doubt it.
My blessings are bigger than even I can comprehend. Yes I hid from life for so long as a caterpillar, protected in the safety of my chrysalis for the past few years. Now, today I have emerged into the sunshine as a fully fledged butterfly, dried my wings and have taken flight. I will be guided by the breeze of the universe. One thing is certain – I won’t stop until my job is done.
)0(

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope that you enjoyed it.
If you did, please ‘share’, post onto your social media pages or even subscribe. I would welcome having you as a follower.
I am aware that my blogs are irregular-something that I shall attempt to rectify. Don’t give up on me. I’m still here, just sometimes a bit side-tracked.
Blessings and love to you all.
Rosie

Taking personal responsibility.

I thought it might be good to share this again

talking about mental health

imageIt can be so easy to allow mental health illness become an excuse for every problem in our lives. I am speaking from personal experience, as well as knowledge from conversations with many friends who have been, or still are in the mental health system.

It would seem that irrespective of the type of mental health problem, due to it’s devastating effects on our lives & confidence, we tend to find something to blame. This is entirely understandable!  I for one have made some dreadful faux pas , many of which I don’t particularly like to admit to. I made a hash of so much, hurt so many people & messed up an awful lot of challenges, mainly, I now believe because I couldn’t cope with what was going on in my head.  Living my life with constant anxiety & depression, even in childhood, was extremely distressing. I was a…

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