How much had I been missing?

Today has been exceptionally good for me. I haven’t come into money, or met the man of my dreams, nor have I been on an exotic jaunt. No, my days was blessed with simple pleasures.

Despite feeling unwell, a fellow writer dragged herself out to pick me up, enabling me to attend a much enjoyed writing retreat in Frome. I had expected to miss it due to her illness, so being able to attend was terrific. I was able to do quite a significant amount of work, despite us needing to leave early.
I met several new people, hopefully recruiting a few new members for my writing group. I also paid a visit to the cottage that is key to my novel. All in all, an enjoyable morning. But there was much more to come……

The day has been very sunny and warm, too nice to go home, so I uncovered my mega size mobility scooter and headed for one of Wells’ jewels – The Bishops Palace. I was fortunate enough to have been given a membership by a dear friend which allows me free access to the magnificent gardens. I frequently go there to write, especially if I feel a little bogged down with hum-drum life. Today however, I simply wanted to bask in the sun.
I have recently been unwell (hence no blogs)and have become a slight recluse, purely because I didn’t have strength to venture outside. I hadn’t realised how much I had missed it.

I was filled with pleasure from the outset, having chosen to use a bridleway rather than the town centre. I’ve lived here for four years but for some inexplicable reason I had never used this route. Although the road has houses, they are non obtrusive and all the way there are overhanging trees and bushes. I immediately felt at peace. I even noticed the first blackberries of the season, something which, for some reason always excites me.
After a pleasant ride alongside the moat, observing the ducks and almost fully grown cygnets, I enjoyed a glass of elderflower presse, overlooking the palace before entering the gardens. That’s when I felt totally serene.

Leaving my mobility scooter safely inside the grounds, I continued on foot across the stream towards my favourite writing spot. Seating myself down, I tied my scarf around my shorn hair to protect me from the searing heat & settled down to get on with my stories, but was couldn’t. Sipping my water, I closed my eyes and enjoyed feeling the suns rays impregnating my skin. All around people were in good humour, due mainly to the weather I imagine, but I paid very little attention to them. The sounds of nature were speaking far louder. The water flowed, ducks quacked, birds chirped, leaves rustled and bees buzzed, I’m sure that I could even hear the insects scurrying around. It was idyllic.
My mind drifted to a time and place when I lived on Dartmoor, a memory that had become tainted by life problems. A storyline came into my head and as I quickly scribbled it onto paper, I knew that the happy feelings could be recalled. I felt myself smiling like a goon! Bare feet, scarfed head, a batty old woman sitting, grinning to herself but I didn’t care.

I spent a while writing before roughly sketching the scene. A couple of elderly neighbours stopped to exchange pleasantries before wending their way around the grounds. The Cathedral clock chimed. Taking a further sip of water, I realised what was making me so happy.
Life.
Pure and simple.
Life.

I have recently spent quite a while sharing the details of my 17 year battle with crippling agoraphobia. I’ve even had a near full page article about it published. Life is rapidly changing, new opportunities are making themselves known. I’m so enthralled with the fullness of my life, but I still hadn’t truly grasped what had happened previously. For seventeen long, lonely, miserable years I hadn’t spent any time outside. The warm air hadn’t brushed my skin. The breeze hadn’t blown through my (then long) hair. I hadn’t lifted my face to the sun, or heard the calls of the birds. I had been imprisoned through fear, yet it had affected me in ways that I hadn’t considered.

I now understand why it is so vital for me to encourage others to step outside. Face life. Face their demons, their challenges, their fears. No-one should take the elements for granted. It wasn’t just my physical freedom that I gave up – it was all of the years of poetry and song, writing and drawing. It was my potential that I had turned my back on.

I have been so fortunate to have been given another chance. If I could bottle that feeling of sunshine in my heart as well as my body, I would. Can you imagine sharing that with people in despair? Unfortunately I am unable to do that but came home with the knowledge of what I need to do.

I have been toying with the idea of giving motivational talks (not speeches)but have been dismissing it as a flight of fancy. It’s not. I have those feelings inside of me. I can write about them but I can also talk about them. I’m very capable. I KNOW THAT I CAN DO IT. It was the aftermath of the grey existence that was preventing me, causing doubt. The heady influence of the sun has warmed my soul, shone over my path, guiding me on the role that I was kept alive for. I feel so excited. I’m sure that the road won’t be smooth but it doesn’t matter one bit. I have a story to share, an ability to express it.
WOW!
A couple of hours ago I signed with a motivational speakers agency. The Universe won’t send me clients/jobs unless I’m ready. I’ve got no reason to doubt it.
My blessings are bigger than even I can comprehend. Yes I hid from life for so long as a caterpillar, protected in the safety of my chrysalis for the past few years. Now, today I have emerged into the sunshine as a fully fledged butterfly, dried my wings and have taken flight. I will be guided by the breeze of the universe. One thing is certain – I won’t stop until my job is done.
)0(

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope that you enjoyed it.
If you did, please ‘share’, post onto your social media pages or even subscribe. I would welcome having you as a follower.
I am aware that my blogs are irregular-something that I shall attempt to rectify. Don’t give up on me. I’m still here, just sometimes a bit side-tracked.
Blessings and love to you all.
Rosie

Advertisements

The power of positive affirmations

Healing through affirmations

recently I have been quite unwell & I have felt incredibly weak & in excruciating pain.   At first I thought it was a fibromyalgia flare – something that regularly happens with fibromyalgia sufferers, yet nothing seemed to help it on it’s way.   I had tried resting,  working through it,  ignoring it,  dosing myself up on medication & on herbal supplements,  getting crabby with myself & my cat,  burying my head in the sand  until eventually  I began to despair!

As a Reiki Master I am usually able to bring my pain under some form of control, but I had got so desperate to relieve my pain that I had even stopped trusting myself.

At that point I realised that I needed to face the situation squarely & not procrastinate – actually DO SOMETHING! But what?

My most reliable advisor is the voice that comes to me during meditation,  so surely it was time to actually ASK for help & guidance.  After all, what was stopping me except pride?  I had felt so well for so long that I didn’t want to accept that I was not  on top of things. My social life was really suffering & I had been cancelling all kinds of commitments, which in turn made me feel really unhappy.  It had become a horrible vicious cycle.

Deep inside I knew that I had the ability to do something about it all, after all we all have the power to make changes to our situations, the challenge is actually trusting ourselves enough to do it!  So I knew that I needed to practice what I preach.           I finally found the humility to ask for guidance, not for healing as such, just the key to how I should tackle my problems.  I prayed , not in the formal head bowed, bended  knees type of praying, but in a quiet, personal conversation with my chosen Deity. It really shouldn’t make any difference what religion you follow, the important thing is your relationship with your Higher Power. ( I have chosen not to discuss my beliefs in detail on here because I want people to judge me on my words & ideas, not on my religious path)

Almost as soon as I began to ask for guidance, I knew that I knew the answer. I continued to pray & did a little meditation, then suddenly it all became so blindingly obvious!!!                        I had half heartedly tried to convince myself that I was feeling better & wondered why it hadn’t been very effective. My Father used to describe this as being positive with a doubt!  Incredibly accurate assessment.   At this blinding light of revelation, I jumped up ( yes, literally jumped, I normally have to haul myself up!)   And to the astonishment of my little cat, I dashed to my living room, to write down what I knew I must do.

I wrote, not one but 7 copies of an affirmation, which I then stuck to various points in my flat.  With each copy that I wrote, I repeated the affirmation many times, this serves a couple of purposes. Writing it , rather than printing it out helps to fix the words in the brain, it also helps to make sure that the affirmation ‘flows’.  If it doesn’t flow easily, it is less likely to feel believable & therefore achieveable.

For a couple of days, every time I saw one of the reminders, I’d repeat the affirmation several times & could feel the belief growing stronger. After the first day I was feeling a lot better, By the second, I could feel myself growing stronger, happier & healhier.  Now, several days on, the reminders are still on my walls, I could have removed them, especially as I knew the affirmation word for word, but I need to keep reminding myself!

The guidance that I’d received had helped me realise that it wasn’t just pain relief that I needed.  I need to understand that I had brought much of my pain on myself, through pride, through believing that I knew better than my body. I had been forced to observe humility as a form of penance.

We must never stop learning & relearning. We are mere mortals, not super beings.

We are here to do our best with what we have, no amount of medication can take the pain away permanently if our belief is that we are still unwell.  That is why it’s so important to repeat the affirmations in a clear, concise way, seeing the outcome as having already come to fruition. Doubting the outcome would make the whole activity pointless!

I am so much better now, although I know that I still have work to do on my bodily self improvement, as well as working on my spiritual side.  If I just said thanks & got back to normal, what would I have learnt?  So I am still taking things a bit easy, even though it means missing out on a few things.  Because I have learnt a valuable lesson, I hope not to repeat my mistakes, but who knows?   But my intent is unshakeable.  I still repeat the affirmations although not as often now. I have written it in my affirmations book that I carry everywhere I go.   This has certainly helped me through a very difficult time. Hopefully you may find something that will encourage you to try it too.                   I am filled with gratitude & always will be. This relatively simple technique has helped me through a lot of difficult situations, I feel very honoured & blessed to be able to do it. It is a wonderful feeling, knowing that I have been able to play a part in helping myself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Affirmations can be used for many purposes. They work particularly well with gaining confidence, courage, strength, willpower etc. There are many ways to practice them, I am not saying that my way is the best, it is however, as my blog site title says – it’s as I see it.    I do urge you to try using affirmations, feel free to research, or even better, find your own  way.  The important thing is that if you give out a positive statement repeatedly, it will send that message out into the Universe, helping it to manifest.

Good luck, love & blessings

Rosie ximage