Food for thought, Inspirations, Uncategorized

Perseverance is the key.

As many followers will know, I’ve pledged to make a booklet in aid of BBC Children in Need. The idea seemed a simple one – just collect a small compilation of work from members of the writing group that I lead. I would comb bind it and persuade friends to buy a copy. What could possibly go wrong?

Hmm, I hadn’t considered a few pertinent points;
1) health has a habit of letting me down.
2) I had already committed to writing a novel during November for NaNoWriMo.
3) I’m rubbish at sticking to the basics!

Already burning the candle at both ends, my health was on a downward spiral & although I recognised it, I refused to do anything about it. I was enjoying life, why would I want to slow down?
A charity abseil that I was due to do was postponed. Concerned friends told me how washed out I looked, eventually agreeing, I took advantage of the postponed abseil weekend to take a break by the sea. A weekend stretched into five days. Sounds great? It was, but rather than rest, I chose to run around like a loon doing all things that tourists do! I came back even more exhausted!

With November looming, I prepared for the NaNoWriMo challenge, setting the plot, sketching the storyline, getting excited & eager to start. I told everybody, so that I wouldn’t back out & on November 1st I sat in front of my laptop & wrote my little heart out. This had been complicated by an unexpected change of storyline. A new idea swept into my brain the day previously & refused to leave, so I was really winging it, having not had any form of plan to work with.
For 4 days I wrote solidly into the night, delighted that I was ahead of my word count schedule. ( NANoWriMo requires that a minimum of 50000 words are produced during the 30 days of November)

At the same time I was organising the charity booklet & had persuaded fellow group members to produce short articles & poetry for me to print. All was going well until I fell out with my printer. It refuses to cooperate. I took this as a sign that maybe I should look into having the booklet professionally printed.
After a lot of googling & comparing prices, I decided to go with a local printing company. Since the cost was greater, so was my need to produce a better book. Sheets of A4 inspirations were being handed to me, all I needed to do was put them into order.

No. Life for me is never that straightforward.

I decided that the booklet should be smaller, A5 size. No worries. HAH!
Now remember that I am a pensioner who only learnt to use a computer about 5 or 6 years ago, apart from the absolute basics, everything has been self taught.
I had also been told that I needed to put individual files into PDF form, then number them, put them onto a memory stick & take it to the printers. Of course I had heard of these new fangled methods, yet had never attempted them. To say that I made hard work of it is an understatement! Googling, books & Youtube to the rescue. I probably could have handled it better, had it not been for me having a slight stroke.

At first I thought that I was simply exhausted, but apparently not. I’ve had several small strokes & a larger one, so recognised what had happened, mini strokes are common place in my family, so the risks have always been accepted by me as just a fact of life.
This one knocked me for six! I was totally wiped out, unable to tackle anything. I did try to do some writing but will need to rewrite it, as it was such rubbish. Unable to go out, my groups & voluntary job had to be put on hold. I became a social recluse.

I have a good relationship with our local newspaper, writing a monthly column for them as well as various small articles & letters, so I had asked them to promote the charity booklet. They happily agreed, asking for a photo of me holding the completed book, to which they would add a piece asking for local support. I would have been delighted, except that the booklet was still in the planning stage. I couldn’t figure out how to do the necessary set up of files.

I didn’t want to fail but it looked like I was going to.

For an entire week, with brain of mush & no energy, I have sat through the night trying desperately to work out how to set up the files etc. One night I didn’t go to bed at all.
Every day I learnt something new. Windows 10 & myself are not best of friends yet & I’m struggling to find my way around it, but every night I realised that I’d found out how to do a new task ( things that most people could do with their eyes closed.) Every morning, before breakfast I would sit at the laptop, ready to use my new found knowledge, only to discover that I needed to learn more, before I could proceed.

I didn’t give up.

In the early hours of this morning, I realised that I’d finally cracked it. I crawled into bed, knowing that I only had a tiny bit more to complete this morning, ready to go to the printers.

The phone woke me from a deep sleep at mid morning. I had a friend arriving at lunchtime. ARGH! I had come too far to allow it all to drag into next week. I had advertised the book to be ready for purchase, Children in Need being next week. I had to complete it. I needed to succeed.

With only a couple of hours before I was due to go out for lunch, I sat at my desk & with absolute determination I set about finishing it. My friend duly arrived, to find me still in my pyjamas. Fortunately very understanding, she made a cuppa while I tapped feverishly on my keyboard. I’m not sure how many times I said to her “Just one last file & I’m finished.”

The important thing is that I got there. A couple of weeks late & very sleep deprived, I was able to proudly hand over the completed flash drive to the printers’. Exhausted & brain dead, yet happy. I’ve no idea how well my work will reproduce in print, I hope it’s good. I want it to be successful, to raise some money, but for me it’s been a worthwhile experience. I’ve learnt a lot. I’ve also learnt that perseverance pays off. The booklet should be ready to go on sale next week. I did it! Me! Little Ol’ me! I figured it out. Even if I’m left with egg on my face & a stack of unsold booklets, I managed to overcome all sorts of obstacles & am very pleased with myself. Yes ok so it won’t be professionally written, it’s only a small scale production, but I did it!

As for NanoWriMo? I had thought about giving up, having not written a word for a complete week, but have decided not to.
Allowing myself the luxury of a relaxing evening, I intend to recommence tomorrow, after a T’ai Chi workshop. There’s a very good chance that I won’t meet the deadline, but it isn’t important. I will write as much as I am able – I have the rest of my life to complete it. I accepted the challenge and will do my best but don’t need to prove anything to anyone. I’ve had a lot to cope with recently. But I have overcome it all & am still here to tell the tale.

My health is improving again. I’m eager to get on with my life. Bring it on!

Rosie x

If you enjoyed reading this, please ‘follow’ or ‘share’ all support is vital to a knackered old woman!
Until next time, take care.

Food for thought, General ramblings, Inspirations, Uncategorized, Writing as a career path

Time to stop self doubt

Although I have been seriously writing for well over a year now ( blogging even longer), I’ve always introduced myself s an aspiring author, or would be writer. A short time ago someone took me to task over this. I’ve had several short articles published, as well as numerous letters, I also produce a monthly column in the local paper. That makes me a writer! Just because I have yet to win any competitions or get a publishing contract doesn’t alter the fact that I am a writer. Although yet to earn any money from it, I am a writer. I write everyday in some form or another, run a creative writing group as well as a writing for wellbeing one. Finally I accepted the title. However I was still slightly apologetic, almost sidled in, hoping that no one would ask about my qualifications. Why?

I left school at just 15 with no qualifications. I didn’t stay to take any exam. I was expected to go to work, which I duly did. I didn’t mind at the time, exam certificates didn’t mean much in the world of hairdressing, back in the 60s.
As my family came along, I began to regret not having anything behind me but told myself that I could do evening classes when I had time. It didn’t happen. By then, although I regretted it, it no longer seemed important.
Less than two years ago, being retired & living alone, I decided to take a creative writing class, then another followed by various workshops. I was hooked. I took a further class where grammar was high on the agenda. A stroke many years ago has erased most of my ability to put the correct names & terms for grammatical correctness. The teacher, although inspirational unintentionally caused me to feel inadequate. I already felt an outsider when friends discussed literature, my knowledge, by comparison was very limited. I enrolled on a Grammar course.
As I began the coursework, I realised that I knew what I was doing, knew how to use the correct formulation of sentences etc. Why was I doing this? At school I had always been an A+ English language & literature student, who was I doing this qualification for?
I decided to drop out. I have far more important things to do with my time. I was doing it to wave a piece of paper & say
” look, I’m as good as you now.”
I didn’t need to do that.

Of course there are gaps in my knowledge but nothing that I can’t get around. The stroke can’t be undone. Is it vital for me to remember what the correct terms are?
I write because I love it. I didn’t want it to become a burden.
Shortly afterwards I set up a creative writing group. I stressed at the outset that it was non teaching. I simply wanted to encourage others to have a go, to have fun. It has been an overwhelming success. Occasionally I get lost when some members discuss the classics or talk about writing styles, but I refuse to pretend to be anything or anyone that I’m not. Generally people appreciate my honesty, even if they don’t understand my reasoning.

One problem though, I still was an aspiring writer only, playing at it, not really serious. Except that by then I was.
I needed a change of mindset. When I’d begun, I had no intention of using it for anything other than pleasure/ therapy. Now I felt very differently about it. I intend to write for the rest of my life, to be successful too. A would be, will remain a would be. As a believer in affirmations & the power of positive thought, I decided to ‘rebrand’ myself.
I updated my Facebook profile photo, showing me writing. I introduce myself as a writer. I think in a totally different way.
I am shortly going to produce a collection of writing from my creative writing group, which we are going to sell for Children In Need. I am entering the NanoWriMo challenge to produce a 50000 word novel within the next month. I will, without question get some of my work into print. Whether I have to self fund, self publish or get a publisher, who knows? It’s not vital for me to know. One thing’s for certain – You’ll be hearing more about me in the coming years. I may never reach the heavy heights of a number one best seller, but I will definitely be producing some worthwhile work.
My name is Rosie – I’m a writer.

Food for thought, General ramblings, Inspirations, Uncategorized

Security in self belief

Two friends visited today, as I have been unwell. One of these is a newly found friendship, hence this was her first visit to my home.

Strangers tend to be taken aback by my decor, as it is eclectic to say the least! Goddesses, Buddhas & Native American Indians vie with each other to find their place amongst a rather excessive collection of crystals. It doesn’t take a genius to realise that I am what can be called ‘alternative.’ Living in a retirement flat, my choice of decoration doesn’t appeal to many of the other residents, but thankfully I’m comfortable enough in my beliefs not to worry about their opinions.

The new friend who visited already knew about my chosen path, just as I did hers, however it was refreshing to hear her opinion of my chosen deities. She follows a diffent path, although we are both pagan, in fact until a few years ago, my chosen route was similar to hers. We had an enjoyable conversation, It was really interesting to discuss why I do what I do & having a slightly different viewpoint was stimulating.

After they had left, it set me thinking about the confidence that I have & my way of expressing it. For too many years I attempted to ‘fit in’ & even more recently I felt the need to explain or justify my beliefs. I no longer do that.

Is it an age thing,I wonder? Certainly my confidence has grown with the passing years but I think it’s more than that. I feel comfortable in my own skin now. I don’t need to appease anyone or attempt to justify anything. This has released me from the constraints that I had grown up with. I’m not just older ( & single) I’m emotionally free to be myself. I don’t need anyones’approval to be who I am. It is so liberating!

As long as I don’t hurt anyone or intentionally offend, as long as I can like myself, look in the mirror & see a friendly, kind person looking back, then I know that I am on the right track. The right path for me. I don’t need to conform to anyone else’s ideals because I’m strong enough in my own. It’s a lovely place to be.

I hope that you are able to feel even a tiny bit as contented with your choices, if not, think about why you live as you do, maybe you could consider changing? but only for yourself. Being true to YOURSELF is the key to happiness & ultimately inner peace. I hope that you are able to find it.

I wish you love, peace & joy.

Rosie x

*********************

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Food for thought, General ramblings, Personal Messages to followers, Uncategorized

Accepting when to take a step back.

Unusually for me, I have been forced to take a spell of complete rest ( well, not quite as complete as I should!)
I’m a hard personal task master & dislike feeling useless or inadequate but occasionally everyone has to accept their frailties.
I’ve known that I have been over pushing myself but tried to convince myself that I was Superwoman, if I kept going, I would push through the physical difficulties & emerge triumphant. Of course this was never going to be possible!

I’ve been beating myself up for not updating my blog, falling behind with paperwork, not submitting stories to editors, etc. etc.

Pride?
Stupidity?
Stubbornness?

A bit of all the above and much more.
Now forced to have total rest, I’m paying for my stupidity, but it’s been a timely reminder.
None of us are perfect, nor can we push our boundaries beyond their full stretch. Equally none of us is irreplaceable. Being forced to swallow my pride & get someone else to take over the running of my writing groups, has been hard, but hearing how well they managed without me has forced me to rethink my superwoman status. I’m no superhero. Just me. And being just me is enough.
I’m thankful that I’ve been reminded of that.

Rosie x

Apologies for the haphazard posting but thank you for still reading my ramblings. Please share the link to this blog, to encourage me to write more regularly.
Thanks all x

Food for thought, General ramblings, Uncategorized

Learning from disappointment.

I have had the strangest week!
I tend to overbook myself & end up burning the candle at both ends as well as in the middle. Not one to give in, I keep pushing myself until I come to an abrupt halt. Recently I have been approaching the halt sign & had tried to reduce my unnecessary workload before I hit it – however I needn’t have worried, it was taken out of my hands.

Having more than one commitment a day causes me extreme exhaustion & pain, however sometimes it can’t be avoided, Wednesday this week was one such day.
Although looking forward to the first event ( as a mental health champion with Mind/ Rethink at a freshers day talking to students) it was expected to be tiring. Knowing that I had an important meeting the same evening, I was a little concerned how to pace myself. I preplanned my meals, double checked bus timetables & was getting close to worrying about it.

The evening before, it got cancelled.

I used the opportunity to attend a different group, then of course began to beat myself up because I was still over stretching myself.

On my return I received a message to say that I wasn’t needed at the evening meeting.

Hmm, bit weird. Maybe the Universe was making my decisions for me?

Following a very exhausting day at my voluntary job yesterday, I felt dreadful this morning. A friend gave me the routine lecture about taking things easier, which led to a discussion about my upcoming charity abseil –

Just received an email telling me that it has been cancelled!!!

I’m beginning to see a pattern here.
As I rarely get stressed or worried about things, I emailed the abseil organiser asking to be notified if another becomes available,then decided to write this blog.

Just received an email telling me that another abseil is being arranged.

I wonder if the Universe is testing me or playing jokes?

It has however made me think whether I need to learn something from this. As always there was a very definite lesson trying to get it’s message across.
I have had to ask myself if I was getting a bit egotistical & full of my own self importance? Possibly I was. So many people do far more important & worthwhile things than I do. Of course to me, my achievements are big, but not to everyone else. I had been banging on about the abseil to anyone who would listen, probably boring the pants off them. Had I allowed my courage & determination go to my head? I had enjoyed the praise that I was receiving.

Humility isn’t simply a word, it’a life choice. Made for the right reasons. Not something done for glory, or to be boasted about. I had fallen into a trap.

Humility is about simplicity, about genuine care, about honour.
Part of me thinks that I should be ashamed, but isn’t that playing the same card?
I need to actually understand & learn from the lesson. Being ashamed isn’t the solution. I had strayed from my life choice, chosen to broadcast my glory. Been guilty of pride & tripped myself up. It wasn’t about doing anything wrong, it was doing things in the wrong way. I enjoy helping others, I do it because it helps us both. I don’t need to broadcast it. I’m no saint, just a person trying to fulfil my purpose on this earth ( as feels right to me). Helping someone so that you get praised isn’t what it should be about.

Acceptance & Humilty are all important. Or certainly should be.

I’m thankful for being able to understand what it all meant.
We are all trying to find our way through the maze of life. There will always be hazards, blocks & difficulties, without these we would be unable to appreciate when things are going well. The newer abseil gives me a chance to approach things differently. Yes I will still approach people for sponsorship but for the correct reasons – just to gain money for the charities, not so that I can bask in the glory of how brave I am. It lovely to be paid compliments but to accept them with grace is not the same as milking it for all it’s worth.

In gratitude & with humility I accept this lesson.

Rosie X

Thank you for taking time to read this. Please ‘share’ it with your friends. If you’d like to read more, please ‘follow’ me to receive notification of further posts from Rosieways.

Until next time, take care x

Food for thought, General ramblings

If only we had a delete button

I had cause to think about something hurtful that had been said to me earlier today. I hadn’t been particularly upset because I’ve grown very thick skinned, however it set me thinking about how easy it is to cause hurt through careless comments.
As a sensitive child, I was very easily brought to inner turmoil when something that felt personal was aimed in my direction. Quite possibly many of these comments were not intended to hurt, more likely they were just stupid thoughtless words but due to my sensitivity they wounded me deeply. I carried this hurt for much of my life. This pattern was repeated throughout my teenage years & subsequent marriages.
Thankfully now having learnt the art of ‘letting go’, I can see things for what they were but for a long time I lived under the delusion that it was very much a one sided offence. Of course now I see that I was just as guilty, as I suspect, we all are.
I would never have intentionally hurt anyone ( Mrs Do-as-you-would be- done by, really influenced me as a child). But now, as someone aiming for self improvement, I can see that I must have hurt many people throughout the years.
A few memories spring to mind that I am deeply ashamed of. One that I would take back is a nickname that I gave to a school friend who was ‘amply endowed’. I said it as a joke – one that stuck through her entire school years. How I regret giving her that name. I wonder if she was traumatised, as I certainly would have been?
I was fortunate enough to have lengthy therapy with a wonderful counsellor which helped me to understand that my failings were no worse than anyone else.
I have always been damaged by harsh words – something that my ex husband used to good effect but now I wonder if he truly understood the harm that he was causing? I prefer to believe that it was alcohol induced spite & not personal but I doubt I’ll ever know for sure. Thanks to my counsellor I found the ability to forgive & move on from that baggage. It’s been a long process but one that I am succeeding with. I have learnt to rectify the false self beliefs & replace them with more appropriate ones.
It seems that the destructive tendencies between friends, family, partners & strangers is far more wide reaching than is generally accepted. I wonder how many people are weighed down by the damage inflicted through hurtful words? It’s quite a scary thought!
Now, in the days of widespread internet access & social media, it is even easier to instil hurt with thoughtless texts or inappropriate tweets. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we were able to delete these things, taking the knowledge of them to the bin as well. Unfortunately once said, even if later apologised for, a comment can not be taken away. once uttered or written, the spite is out there, in the Universe, easily accessed by the recipient to use for self abuse.
None of us know what damage our ill worded jokes will cause, but nothing can delete them. Even accepting that they weren’t meant, they have already taken up residence in the recipients brain & stored in their memory bank.

Is there any way that we can make amends for unfair words? Probably not. They’ve been said. How many times I’ve wished that I could grab them in mid flight & force them back into my mouth! But it’s impossible.
As far as I can tell, the only solution is to be more mindful about what we say to/about others.
I try not to be judgemental but every now & then I find odd little snipes spilling out. I try to see good in everyone but I’m human, although I abhor gossip, it’s so easy to get carried along with the flow of a conversation. Our desire to ‘fit in’ makes it likely that we will say things that really aren’t fair.
I try to accept my wrong-doings & limit any harm that I may cause but we all need to do more. Next time there is the temptation to bitch about someone or throw insults at your partner during a row, try to visualise those words before they leave your mouth, hit the imaginary delete button & choose different wording. Yes, it’s virtually impossible, a fairy story, but even fairy stories can have a happy ending. Isn’t it worth a try?
Even though I’ve been working on this personally for a long time now, I intend to try much harder. I don’t want to be responsible for anyone carrying the hurt & baggage as I did. The problem of course is that no one can see it. It just sits there & festers. I make a vow to limit anymore pain that I may cause.
It is said that what goes around, comes around & that you reap what you sow. I want to reap happiness, joy, kindness & love, so that is what I will endeavour to always give out. I hope that you do too.

Until next time, take care,
Rosie x

thank you for taking time to read this, I hope that you found it of interest.
I would be so grateful if you would click ‘like’ & share it with your friends. Even better would be to add yourself as a follower, it really helps to know that my writing is appreciated.

If you have any comments, feedback is very welcome.
Bye for now x

Food for thought

                                                Thank you to a stranger

A few months ago, at the end of a blog that I was reading, the author gave some advice that has changed me.

The post involved the setting up of a writing group. The advice given was not to procrastinate about setting up your own group. It hit me square in the eyes!  I’d been thinking/ talking about organising a creative writing group but doubted my ability.  My confidence had been slightly shaken by the failure of a friendship group last year & I was afraid that another group would go the same way. After reading the blog I realised that I had to try. Even if it had failed, at least I would have tried. The only real failure is in not trying.

In my past I would have allowed my fear to prevent me from doing anything risky or difficult. However this isn’t my past, this is NOW.  I’m not that person anymore.  How could I extol the virtues of living in the moment yet only apply it to certain circumstances?  What’s the worst that could happen?  I might be the only member – would that destroy my life? Of course not!  It felt like that blogger had spoken directly to me. I immediately contacted her & told her that She had inspired me & that I intended to put plans into action immediately. I kept my word.

I made up a few posters asking for interested people, but still had no venue. At my local library I enquired if they would put a poster up for me, the reply was a proposal to allow me the use of the library to hold the meetings – no strings, no fees, just a good, bright area for our use.   I jumped at the chance, but still the little niggle of failure was eating away, willing it to go wrong. I have wanted to do something like this for a long, long time. I now had the bit between my teeth & wasn’t going to let go.

I persevered.

I ignored my doubts & threw myself into the preparations. I told everybody about the new group, even though, at that time I was unsure how it would operate. I certainly didn’t need to worry.  The first couple of weeks were nerve wracking but fun, with a handful of attendees. Then a week where no one came. I sat there by myself but rather than worry, I used the time constructively. That week taught me a lesson in humility. No matter how much I wanted to do it, I’m only as good as the effort that I put in. Maybe I was patting myself on the back without showing gratitude to the Universe, after all without gratitude & humility, I’d be no more than a hollow ego.    

The following week I had a few more members & since then barely a week has passed without newcomers. The newspaper advertises it regularly without cost so I am able to reach a wider area. Everything is ticking along nicely now & the group is nearing capacity. Maybe this will mean having to have a rethink on venue or offering it without any charge but I will cross that bridge if it comes to it.   I have learnt that although I orchestrated the group, it’s not MY group, I’ve simply been given the honour of gathering several lovely people with a common interest together. Should anything cause me to pull out, I’m convinced that it would still continue. It’s a lovely feeling.

As in so many things in life, I am learning through leading others. Each week I work out a variety of exercises for us to try, some I enjoy greatly, a few not so much but it doesn’t matter, it’s all practice. I have had to put structure into my weekly routine to allow for the group, this has also been helpful. Listening to some of the wonderful prose that is penned by relative newcomers is fantastic. I believe that we are all learning from one another. Long may it continue.

I hope that I am able to help this group grow & flourish, I also hope that I will know if the time comes to step aside. All of this has added another dimension to my life & it is all thanks to an unknown blogger.

I hope that this will encourage others to take a leap of faith & make their dreams come true. We are the only ones who put limitations onto our ideas. We tell ourselves that we aren’t capable or not good enough. What if we turn it around & start to believe in ourselves?  Things done with genuine intent have a very good chance of becoming reality.  I urge you to try.

Rosie X

Thank you for reading this, I hope that you enjoyed this post. If you did, please ‘like’ ‘share’ & follow Rosieways. Your encouragement is worth more than I can say X

Food for thought

Spreading myself to thin vs doing too little.

My physical health has taken a bit of a downward turn recently. Although there have been several contributory factors, the result has been that I have been ignoring my bodily pleas for rest. 

Two days ago, following another mind numbing exhaustion, I struggled to wake up which is not usually a problem for me. I eventually dragged myself out of bed leaving myself less than an hour to be at a class.  The obvious solution would have been to miss it & accept that I needed rest – but that’s not my way. In true headless chicken fashion, I skipped breakfast, fed the cat at high speed, showered, grabbed my things & dashed out of the door, I didn’t even make time for a hot drink.

It was a disaster waiting to happen. I didn’t need to wait long.

I decided to use my small mobility scooter because my feet are particularly painful & I had a very busy day ahead.  I’m not a panicky person but was due to meet someone & I was worried about letting them down. With the little scooter heavily laden, I raced to the hall, conscious that I kept checking my watch. This begs one question – why do most people do that? I knew that I was late, I couldn’t go quicker even if I tried, so what difference did checking my watch make? 🙄

Once opposite the hall I began to get irritated by the stream of traffic that prevented me from crossing the road, all ideas of mindfulness had long since vaporised.  Eventually a gap appeared & I trundled across to the disabled access of the building.  I was so busy worrying about my late arrival, that I didn’t negotiate the slope correctly & took a spectacular tumble, scooter & all. Although not badly hurt, my pride certainly was, especially when a very kind couple helped me back to my feet & recovered the overturned scooter. I was mortified! Not because they’d helped, but because I’d allowed myself to get into such a situation. With a blustering thanks to the couple, I continued to my class.  By now with throbbing leg, excruciatingly painful foot & sore derrière I made my way to the Tai Chi class. Upon explanation, I was offered a seat / glass of water, but I insisted on carrying on as normal. It took a few minutes to get myself in the ‘zone’ but once calm I began to put it all behind me.

I learnt something very important that morning – I needed a lesson in humility.

I hate being pitied/ physically helped but I needed it. ( accepting human frailty) I also had an overwhelming ‘inner’ lecture about the need to be more mindful & not allow myself to be in such a rush. It never helps. Although The peace created in the Tai Chi was wonderful as always, the rest of the day continued to throw obstacles in my way. By my return home I was feeling unwell, dizzy & very fraught.  Following a couple of hours much needed sleep, I reflected on my day. What had the early morning rush achieved? I hadn’t even allowed myself time to wake fully.  Was being delayed such a problem?  I’m sure that being late but calm would have been preferable to the whirlwind that I was creating.  I hadn’t eaten breakfast, nor lunch & had drunk so little liquid, no wonder I felt unwell. This wasn’t helped by stuffing cakes & bicuits because I was too worn out to make a meal. So nothing all day, then an overload of sugar & wheat ( both of which I have an intolerance to.) 

Feeling a little sorry for myself, I later posted on Facebook, making light of my mishaps.  I received a lot of support however one really resonated with me – one friend, like the others, insisting that I take things easier but she also said that over working was a form of self sabotage. I’d never considered it that way before.  I do take on far too much. I enjoy what I do & certainly don’t want to stop any of my commitments, but maybe she’s right?  Is it my bodies way of forcing me to have a rethink?  I thought long & hard about it last night.

Today should have been another busy day, but the Universe had other ideas. The morning had again started badly through over sleeping. Thankfully an early home visitor was delayed & didn’t leave until lunch time. Being sensible I made myself a salad & decided to pay a couple of due bills on line. That Universe is sneaky – it took me almost the complete afternoon to get them paid! I had one complication after another! Before I knew it, the afternoon was gone. I had unintentionally sat for most of the day. Almost unheard of!  That really is the reason for this blog.

So many people have advised me to take things easier. What if I did?  I don’t enjoy housework  & won’t watch day time TV, what constitutes doing less?  If I stayed at home more, cancelled my groups, clubs & interests, I would be writing all day. This sounds terrific but in honesty, if it was enforced, surely it would then lose it’s appeal?  I enjoy helping people, I love interacting with others. I couldn’t do that shut away at home. There has to be a middle ground, some way of still meeting & helping people without causing myself such problems? It seems that everything is made worse by inability to wake up, could the main problem be simply lack of sleep? I don’t get a lot of shut eye. I’m on the computer until the early hours, then have only a few hours before The alarm tells me it’s time to start again. So that’s where I’m going to start. I shall get to bed earlier & see what happens if my body gets a few more regular hours of nightly rest.
I shall post this, then go to bed. I may or may not go into work tomorrow. I’m going to try to listen to my body more carefully. Like all habits, late nights will be difficult to break, but I’m determined.

 I’ve come too far on this wondrous journey to allow myself to sabotage it all. I will take a small backward step & who knows? It could turn out to be a huge leap forward!😉

Take care everyone, thanks for reading this,

Rosie X

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