I had cause to think about something hurtful that had been said to me earlier today. I hadn’t been particularly upset because I’ve grown very thick skinned, however it set me thinking a…
Source: If only we had a delete button
I had cause to think about something hurtful that had been said to me earlier today. I hadn’t been particularly upset because I’ve grown very thick skinned, however it set me thinking a…
Source: If only we had a delete button
For the past few years for me, September has been a month of change. I’m not really sure why – maybe it’s something to do with the summer coming to an end, meaning I find myself with more time on my hands and able to focus on other pursuits. It could be the colder nights spurring me on to warm up (hence my new gym membership!) or it could just be the thought that, you know, why not challenge yourself?
For as long as I can remember, I’ve thrived on following whatever brainchild I may have at that moment through an obstacle course of challenges. I relish in scouting out opportunities to challenge myself, whether that be sticking to a vegan diet (which was one of the best decisions I’ve made recently!) or mind mapping creative projects in a step-by-step manner – I’m always on the lookout to enhance myself as a person, learn new skills and…
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I had cause to think about something hurtful that had been said to me earlier today. I hadn’t been particularly upset because I’ve grown very thick skinned, however it set me thinking about how easy it is to cause hurt through careless comments.
As a sensitive child, I was very easily brought to inner turmoil when something that felt personal was aimed in my direction. Quite possibly many of these comments were not intended to hurt, more likely they were just stupid thoughtless words but due to my sensitivity they wounded me deeply. I carried this hurt for much of my life. This pattern was repeated throughout my teenage years & subsequent marriages.
Thankfully now having learnt the art of ‘letting go’, I can see things for what they were but for a long time I lived under the delusion that it was very much a one sided offence. Of course now I see that I was just as guilty, as I suspect, we all are.
I would never have intentionally hurt anyone ( Mrs Do-as-you-would be- done by, really influenced me as a child). But now, as someone aiming for self improvement, I can see that I must have hurt many people throughout the years.
A few memories spring to mind that I am deeply ashamed of. One that I would take back is a nickname that I gave to a school friend who was ‘amply endowed’. I said it as a joke – one that stuck through her entire school years. How I regret giving her that name. I wonder if she was traumatised, as I certainly would have been?
I was fortunate enough to have lengthy therapy with a wonderful counsellor which helped me to understand that my failings were no worse than anyone else.
I have always been damaged by harsh words – something that my ex husband used to good effect but now I wonder if he truly understood the harm that he was causing? I prefer to believe that it was alcohol induced spite & not personal but I doubt I’ll ever know for sure. Thanks to my counsellor I found the ability to forgive & move on from that baggage. It’s been a long process but one that I am succeeding with. I have learnt to rectify the false self beliefs & replace them with more appropriate ones.
It seems that the destructive tendencies between friends, family, partners & strangers is far more wide reaching than is generally accepted. I wonder how many people are weighed down by the damage inflicted through hurtful words? It’s quite a scary thought!
Now, in the days of widespread internet access & social media, it is even easier to instil hurt with thoughtless texts or inappropriate tweets. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we were able to delete these things, taking the knowledge of them to the bin as well. Unfortunately once said, even if later apologised for, a comment can not be taken away. once uttered or written, the spite is out there, in the Universe, easily accessed by the recipient to use for self abuse.
None of us know what damage our ill worded jokes will cause, but nothing can delete them. Even accepting that they weren’t meant, they have already taken up residence in the recipients brain & stored in their memory bank.
Is there any way that we can make amends for unfair words? Probably not. They’ve been said. How many times I’ve wished that I could grab them in mid flight & force them back into my mouth! But it’s impossible.
As far as I can tell, the only solution is to be more mindful about what we say to/about others.
I try not to be judgemental but every now & then I find odd little snipes spilling out. I try to see good in everyone but I’m human, although I abhor gossip, it’s so easy to get carried along with the flow of a conversation. Our desire to ‘fit in’ makes it likely that we will say things that really aren’t fair.
I try to accept my wrong-doings & limit any harm that I may cause but we all need to do more. Next time there is the temptation to bitch about someone or throw insults at your partner during a row, try to visualise those words before they leave your mouth, hit the imaginary delete button & choose different wording. Yes, it’s virtually impossible, a fairy story, but even fairy stories can have a happy ending. Isn’t it worth a try?
Even though I’ve been working on this personally for a long time now, I intend to try much harder. I don’t want to be responsible for anyone carrying the hurt & baggage as I did. The problem of course is that no one can see it. It just sits there & festers. I make a vow to limit anymore pain that I may cause.
It is said that what goes around, comes around & that you reap what you sow. I want to reap happiness, joy, kindness & love, so that is what I will endeavour to always give out. I hope that you do too.
Until next time, take care,
thank you for taking time to read this, I hope that you found it of interest.
I would be so grateful if you would click ‘like’ & share it with your friends. Even better would be to add yourself as a follower, it really helps to know that my writing is appreciated.
If you have any comments, feedback is very welcome.
Bye for now x
A few months ago, at the end of a blog that I was reading, the author gave some advice that has changed me.
The post involved the setting up of a writing group. The advice given was not to procrastinate about setting up your own group. It hit me square in the eyes! I’d been thinking/ talking about organising a creative writing group but doubted my ability. My confidence had been slightly shaken by the failure of a friendship group last year & I was afraid that another group would go the same way. After reading the blog I realised that I had to try. Even if it had failed, at least I would have tried. The only real failure is in not trying.
In my past I would have allowed my fear to prevent me from doing anything risky or difficult. However this isn’t my past, this is NOW. I’m not that person anymore. How could I extol the virtues of living in the moment yet only apply it to certain circumstances? What’s the worst that could happen? I might be the only member – would that destroy my life? Of course not! It felt like that blogger had spoken directly to me. I immediately contacted her & told her that She had inspired me & that I intended to put plans into action immediately. I kept my word.
I made up a few posters asking for interested people, but still had no venue. At my local library I enquired if they would put a poster up for me, the reply was a proposal to allow me the use of the library to hold the meetings – no strings, no fees, just a good, bright area for our use. I jumped at the chance, but still the little niggle of failure was eating away, willing it to go wrong. I have wanted to do something like this for a long, long time. I now had the bit between my teeth & wasn’t going to let go.
I ignored my doubts & threw myself into the preparations. I told everybody about the new group, even though, at that time I was unsure how it would operate. I certainly didn’t need to worry. The first couple of weeks were nerve wracking but fun, with a handful of attendees. Then a week where no one came. I sat there by myself but rather than worry, I used the time constructively. That week taught me a lesson in humility. No matter how much I wanted to do it, I’m only as good as the effort that I put in. Maybe I was patting myself on the back without showing gratitude to the Universe, after all without gratitude & humility, I’d be no more than a hollow ego.
The following week I had a few more members & since then barely a week has passed without newcomers. The newspaper advertises it regularly without cost so I am able to reach a wider area. Everything is ticking along nicely now & the group is nearing capacity. Maybe this will mean having to have a rethink on venue or offering it without any charge but I will cross that bridge if it comes to it. I have learnt that although I orchestrated the group, it’s not MY group, I’ve simply been given the honour of gathering several lovely people with a common interest together. Should anything cause me to pull out, I’m convinced that it would still continue. It’s a lovely feeling.
As in so many things in life, I am learning through leading others. Each week I work out a variety of exercises for us to try, some I enjoy greatly, a few not so much but it doesn’t matter, it’s all practice. I have had to put structure into my weekly routine to allow for the group, this has also been helpful. Listening to some of the wonderful prose that is penned by relative newcomers is fantastic. I believe that we are all learning from one another. Long may it continue.
I hope that I am able to help this group grow & flourish, I also hope that I will know if the time comes to step aside. All of this has added another dimension to my life & it is all thanks to an unknown blogger.
I hope that this will encourage others to take a leap of faith & make their dreams come true. We are the only ones who put limitations onto our ideas. We tell ourselves that we aren’t capable or not good enough. What if we turn it around & start to believe in ourselves? Things done with genuine intent have a very good chance of becoming reality. I urge you to try.
Thank you for reading this, I hope that you enjoyed this post. If you did, please ‘like’ ‘share’ & follow Rosieways. Your encouragement is worth more than I can say X
My physical health has taken a bit of a downward turn recently. Although there have been several contributory factors, the result has been that I have been ignoring my bodily pleas for rest.
Two days ago, following another mind numbing exhaustion, I struggled to wake up which is not usually a problem for me. I eventually dragged myself out of bed leaving myself less than an hour to be at a class. The obvious solution would have been to miss it & accept that I needed rest – but that’s not my way. In true headless chicken fashion, I skipped breakfast, fed the cat at high speed, showered, grabbed my things & dashed out of the door, I didn’t even make time for a hot drink.
It was a disaster waiting to happen. I didn’t need to wait long.
I decided to use my small mobility scooter because my feet are particularly painful & I had a very busy day ahead. I’m not a panicky person but was due to meet someone & I was worried about letting them down. With the little scooter heavily laden, I raced to the hall, conscious that I kept checking my watch. This begs one question – why do most people do that? I knew that I was late, I couldn’t go quicker even if I tried, so what difference did checking my watch make? 🙄
Once opposite the hall I began to get irritated by the stream of traffic that prevented me from crossing the road, all ideas of mindfulness had long since vaporised. Eventually a gap appeared & I trundled across to the disabled access of the building. I was so busy worrying about my late arrival, that I didn’t negotiate the slope correctly & took a spectacular tumble, scooter & all. Although not badly hurt, my pride certainly was, especially when a very kind couple helped me back to my feet & recovered the overturned scooter. I was mortified! Not because they’d helped, but because I’d allowed myself to get into such a situation. With a blustering thanks to the couple, I continued to my class. By now with throbbing leg, excruciatingly painful foot & sore derrière I made my way to the Tai Chi class. Upon explanation, I was offered a seat / glass of water, but I insisted on carrying on as normal. It took a few minutes to get myself in the ‘zone’ but once calm I began to put it all behind me.
I learnt something very important that morning – I needed a lesson in humility.
I hate being pitied/ physically helped but I needed it. ( accepting human frailty) I also had an overwhelming ‘inner’ lecture about the need to be more mindful & not allow myself to be in such a rush. It never helps. Although The peace created in the Tai Chi was wonderful as always, the rest of the day continued to throw obstacles in my way. By my return home I was feeling unwell, dizzy & very fraught. Following a couple of hours much needed sleep, I reflected on my day. What had the early morning rush achieved? I hadn’t even allowed myself time to wake fully. Was being delayed such a problem? I’m sure that being late but calm would have been preferable to the whirlwind that I was creating. I hadn’t eaten breakfast, nor lunch & had drunk so little liquid, no wonder I felt unwell. This wasn’t helped by stuffing cakes & bicuits because I was too worn out to make a meal. So nothing all day, then an overload of sugar & wheat ( both of which I have an intolerance to.)
Feeling a little sorry for myself, I later posted on Facebook, making light of my mishaps. I received a lot of support however one really resonated with me – one friend, like the others, insisting that I take things easier but she also said that over working was a form of self sabotage. I’d never considered it that way before. I do take on far too much. I enjoy what I do & certainly don’t want to stop any of my commitments, but maybe she’s right? Is it my bodies way of forcing me to have a rethink? I thought long & hard about it last night.
Today should have been another busy day, but the Universe had other ideas. The morning had again started badly through over sleeping. Thankfully an early home visitor was delayed & didn’t leave until lunch time. Being sensible I made myself a salad & decided to pay a couple of due bills on line. That Universe is sneaky – it took me almost the complete afternoon to get them paid! I had one complication after another! Before I knew it, the afternoon was gone. I had unintentionally sat for most of the day. Almost unheard of! That really is the reason for this blog.
So many people have advised me to take things easier. What if I did? I don’t enjoy housework & won’t watch day time TV, what constitutes doing less? If I stayed at home more, cancelled my groups, clubs & interests, I would be writing all day. This sounds terrific but in honesty, if it was enforced, surely it would then lose it’s appeal? I enjoy helping people, I love interacting with others. I couldn’t do that shut away at home. There has to be a middle ground, some way of still meeting & helping people without causing myself such problems? It seems that everything is made worse by inability to wake up, could the main problem be simply lack of sleep? I don’t get a lot of shut eye. I’m on the computer until the early hours, then have only a few hours before The alarm tells me it’s time to start again. So that’s where I’m going to start. I shall get to bed earlier & see what happens if my body gets a few more regular hours of nightly rest.
I shall post this, then go to bed. I may or may not go into work tomorrow. I’m going to try to listen to my body more carefully. Like all habits, late nights will be difficult to break, but I’m determined.
I’ve come too far on this wondrous journey to allow myself to sabotage it all. I will take a small backward step & who knows? It could turn out to be a huge leap forward!😉
Take care everyone, thanks for reading this,
If you enjoy reading my blog, please ‘like’ ,’share’ & ‘follow’. It’s good to know that people read it.
Have you ever considered writing your own blog? It’s very liberating & extremely easy. Why not give it a go? We all have something worth sharing X
Whether you are a believer in natural magic or not, most people accept that the Moon has a huge influence over our lives.
I can always tell when the Moon is nearing full – my inspirations & energy go into overdrive. It’s fantastic but does wreak havoc with my sleep pattern.
People throughout the generations have used the phases of the Moon to decide when the optimum time is to set plans into action, plant seedlings, harvest food & many other things. The Universal energies are intense at the time of the full Moon, so it makes sense to use that time to do things that need a positive boost. Similarly the New Moon is the time to start new plans & ideas.
As I am getting older, this energy force is getting more pronounced. If I’ve been planning something, I know that the full Moon is the time to set things in motion. At the moment I am eager to get my workshop booked, the Moon tells me not to procrastinate, do it now. I trust my intuition. I know when the time is right. Unfortunately I am also a 60+ scatterbrain! I am attempting to get more organised & yes, I am getting there but it’s frustrating when I miss a deadline or appointment because I have so much on my mind.
The bizarre thing is that when I need to focus on a particular subject, I find that I naturally prioritise & almost become a different person.
Rosie the motivational speaker or Rosie the workshop leader is very different from Rosie the shopaholic or chatterer. I think that we all have several personas but are often afraid to allow the other sides of our personalities to shine through. It seems logical that for us to be in total balance, we have to allow all sides of our being to be used.
I used to think that the scatterbrained me was who I was, but I now realise that I was very much mistaken. Initially at any function or meeting, I have 5 minutes of mayhem, once that’s out of my system, I can commit to my given task. In an ideal world I would always choose to arrive early at an event, but I haven’t yet mastered that. When I arrive in a rush, I don’t have time for my energies to settle & am like a whirling dervish. Clients & friends tend to look on, very dubious at the wisdom/ ability of this madwoman. I have been told on many occasions how pleasantly surprised they have been once I settle into my balanced self.
As my T’ai Chi training progresses, I am becoming more capable of finding my inner calm without the whirlwind start, unfortunately I am often running so late that I don’t allow myself the time to get centred.
Ah well. Nobody is perfect. Like most of the human race, I am work in progress. As I previously mentioned, I am getting there, but at times I need to forgive myself for not being more organised. Maybe one day😉.
Thank you for taking time to read my ramblings.
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Getting new followers is very pleasing & helps me to write more regularly.
“I created this website to record my journey as motivation for myself.” If you have read the blog goals in the About Meditating Millennial section, you will see that line. But I had no idea just how much I would gain from blogging my meditation journey. It wasn’t what I had ever expected.
“I’m a homemaker, and I live with Rapid Cycling Bipolar I Disorder, Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia, PTSD, fibromyalgia and chronic migraines. Vadim is my husband. He is also 32, a high school teacher, and lives with Major Depressive Disorder. We have been married for over 3 years now. Our illnesses are challenging because my husband […]
There was a time, not too many years ago when the idea of being busy would have seemed abhorent to me. I had no energy & couldn’t understand those who urged me to do more – how could I? I was ill, depressed, too worn out to care. What did those do-gooders know about my life?
I ignored them.
I stayed stuck in my misery.
Today someone reminded me about a saying that I felt was very apt. I might not get the quote exactly correct but I’m sure you’ll get the gist of it.
Unfortunately I don’t know the author either, but here are the words:
If you always do what you’ve always done, in the same ways as you always done them. You will always get the same results.
Simple words, yet very true.
In those days gone by, I was doing exactly what I shouldn’t. I bemoaned that life was too exhausting, that I felt lethargic, uninspired, lacking in motivation. I wasn’t willing to try any other way. Sure I’d read self help books & listened to those ‘in the know’ but they were talking idealism, not real life. Or so I believed.
As regular subscribers will know, things changed for me quite dramatically. It took a while for the changes in my mind set to really filter through but it seems that the Universe has accepted my genuine desire for change. Life keeps on improving. The point that I’m making here is that things didn’t just fall into my lap. I had to work at it.
So how did I find the energy to do all the things that are making my life so complete? Simple really – I forced myself to put more in! It’s inconceivable that success & happiness will come for no reason. Obviously I had to play my part. I began to do things to help others,I’d always wanted to but hated the idea of being rejected, so was reluctant to offer. I forced myself to challenge that fear & began volunteering, befriending & at first simply trying to be a helpful & considerate neighbour. People expressed gratitude, I felt useful. I needed to do more.
I set my intention to be a good, kind, useful member of society. I asked for guidance. At times the ideals seemed impossible to ever achieve. I was just me, a little old woman with some pretty batty ideas! But something urged me to continue. I volunteered more, did more. I turned off the television. I stopped procrastinating. I began ‘doing’. It still exhausts me yet it’s so intoxicating that I never want to give up.
I fit more in my week than I previously would have done in a year ( or more). Although It makes me so tired, it means that I generally sleep well. I’ve become fitter, calmer & far more ‘balanced’ in every sense. I’ve also learnt to respect my body more. At times the pain rips through my body like a red hot poker, nothing can ease it. At these times I know that going out walking or working would be counter productive, so I remain at home. Here is where the difference comes – yes I’m at home, maybe, like now with my poor aching feet raised high, but I do something to keep my mind from fixating on my pain. I write a lot when I’m in pain, there again I’m regularly in pain! The thing is that keeping busy, having something to focus on, having a reason to force myself to get on with things or to drag myself out to a meeting is good. It’s extremely therapeutic.
All of my time is used usefully, even ‘wasted time’ isn’t really wasted, If my body needs to sleep, I sleep. If I need to relax, I do so mindfully or use meditation. I no longer force myself to fit into a schedule of what I feel that I have to do, I do things because I want to. I get so many rewards from helping others (emotional, not financial) I love seeing people happy, the work is it’s own reward. I enjoy everything about my life now, even the niggling annoyances of general life serve a purpose. There is positivity in absolutely everything, even though we can’t always see it at the time. If we are open to accept the good things that are offered, they will come, rarely in the form or way that had been anticipated but good things will come in abundance. At times I feel overwhelmed by the gifts that the Universe has showered on me, but I accept graciously & genuinely knowing that it is reward for what I do for others. I feel gratitude for these opportunities. The embarrassing part is that simply enjoying everything is reward enough.
I do things because I can. I can do things because I work at it. I work at it because I enjoy it. I enjoy it because I’m doing what I love & love what I do.
Wow! I’ve just surprised myself by what I’ve written. It’s late at night, I have a busy day tomorrow & a kitchen that looks like there’s been an earthquake in there but it doesn’t matter. I will sleep well & in the morning I will deal with what needs to be done. If that means the housework stays undone – does it really matter? Having a sparkling kitchen or smiling people? No contest!
This has been a bit of a ramble tonight. I hadn’t intended to write anything so it has all tumbled out, totally unplanned. I hope that you can follow my line of thought.
Until next time, look after yourselves & those around you.
If you have enjoyed this blog, please ‘like’, ‘share’ and ‘follow’. Tell your friends about it. Let’s see if we can get this blog a wider audience. Not for glory, not for egotism, simply to share my love of life & gratitude to have been given the chance to make a difference, no matter how small.
Imagine how good this world would be if everyone tried giving instead of taking?
Bye for now X