Thank you to a stranger

A few months ago, at the end of a blog that I was reading, the author gave some advice that has changed me.

The post involved the setting up of a writing group. The advice given was not to procrastinate about setting up your own group. It hit me square in the eyes!  I’d been thinking/ talking about organising a creative writing group but doubted my ability.  My confidence had been slightly shaken by the failure of a friendship group last year & I was afraid that another group would go the same way. After reading the blog I realised that I had to try. Even if it had failed, at least I would have tried. The only real failure is in not trying.

In my past I would have allowed my fear to prevent me from doing anything risky or difficult. However this isn’t my past, this is NOW.  I’m not that person anymore.  How could I extol the virtues of living in the moment yet only apply it to certain circumstances?  What’s the worst that could happen?  I might be the only member – would that destroy my life? Of course not!  It felt like that blogger had spoken directly to me. I immediately contacted her & told her that She had inspired me & that I intended to put plans into action immediately. I kept my word.

I made up a few posters asking for interested people, but still had no venue. At my local library I enquired if they would put a poster up for me, the reply was a proposal to allow me the use of the library to hold the meetings – no strings, no fees, just a good, bright area for our use.   I jumped at the chance, but still the little niggle of failure was eating away, willing it to go wrong. I have wanted to do something like this for a long, long time. I now had the bit between my teeth & wasn’t going to let go.

I persevered.

I ignored my doubts & threw myself into the preparations. I told everybody about the new group, even though, at that time I was unsure how it would operate. I certainly didn’t need to worry.  The first couple of weeks were nerve wracking but fun, with a handful of attendees. Then a week where no one came. I sat there by myself but rather than worry, I used the time constructively. That week taught me a lesson in humility. No matter how much I wanted to do it, I’m only as good as the effort that I put in. Maybe I was patting myself on the back without showing gratitude to the Universe, after all without gratitude & humility, I’d be no more than a hollow ego.    

The following week I had a few more members & since then barely a week has passed without newcomers. The newspaper advertises it regularly without cost so I am able to reach a wider area. Everything is ticking along nicely now & the group is nearing capacity. Maybe this will mean having to have a rethink on venue or offering it without any charge but I will cross that bridge if it comes to it.   I have learnt that although I orchestrated the group, it’s not MY group, I’ve simply been given the honour of gathering several lovely people with a common interest together. Should anything cause me to pull out, I’m convinced that it would still continue. It’s a lovely feeling.

As in so many things in life, I am learning through leading others. Each week I work out a variety of exercises for us to try, some I enjoy greatly, a few not so much but it doesn’t matter, it’s all practice. I have had to put structure into my weekly routine to allow for the group, this has also been helpful. Listening to some of the wonderful prose that is penned by relative newcomers is fantastic. I believe that we are all learning from one another. Long may it continue.

I hope that I am able to help this group grow & flourish, I also hope that I will know if the time comes to step aside. All of this has added another dimension to my life & it is all thanks to an unknown blogger.

I hope that this will encourage others to take a leap of faith & make their dreams come true. We are the only ones who put limitations onto our ideas. We tell ourselves that we aren’t capable or not good enough. What if we turn it around & start to believe in ourselves?  Things done with genuine intent have a very good chance of becoming reality.  I urge you to try.

Rosie X

Thank you for reading this, I hope that you enjoyed this post. If you did, please ‘like’ ‘share’ & follow Rosieways. Your encouragement is worth more than I can say X

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Isn’t happiness enough?

A couple of years ago, I was persuaded to join an online dating agency.  I was told by friends that I would get lonely & miserable if I stayed single. It was during the early part of my singledom, so I duly signed up. Within no time I had reservations, after all, I enjoyed my life, but never the less I arranged a couple of dates.

Tha first man turned out to be someone that I already vaguely knew. I was alright until he reached over for a kiss & cuddle, minutes after we had met. I recoiled, he persisted. We were in a cafe where I felt safe, so I politely explained that I would rather not get too ‘touchy- freely’ until I felt that the time was right. He agreed but continued. The date lasted about an hour.   I cancelled the next proposed blind date.

I had a long think & realised that I was being challenged about what I wanted out of life. There was no doubt in my mind, so happily I continued for about a year, getting more & more  settled into my single life, by then, with the addition of my furry companion, Chi ( cat)

That following year, a similar thing happened, I began to question whether I really should feel so happy whilst living alone. Again I decided to search for a suitable mate. On my profile I had been totally honest & explained that I wanted friendship which may or may not, in time blossom into a serious romance.  I met a pleasant man, we got along ok, he walked me home & was an absolute gentleman.  He was interesting. We arranged to meet again, but once back home I realised that all I was doing was accepting something that I didn’t really want, or need.  I cancelled our proposed date  & cancelled my membership to the dating agency.

I was extremely happy with my decision & thought no more about it.

However, recently I have been considering whether I was missing out by not having a partner.  Once again I logged into the site.  Almost immediately I found a couple of possible suitors & sent them messages,  once again I chose to ignore my gut feelings & decided to look for the perfect man.

Why?

One particular man seemed eager & asked me to call him, which I did. We seemed to really hit it off. We met up the following day.

The details aren’t important. He was obviously ‘a player’.   Within minutes he was declaring his love, just a short time before he began to map out our lives together. I instantly wanted to walk away. I knew that this wasn’t what I wanted.  However I knew that I also had to be sure that previous heartbreak wasn’t clouding my  judgement.  We spent the evening together, then the night – me very firmly ensconced in my bedroom alone, while he had to contend with the sofa. Give him top marks for effort!  He gave it 100%.  I think that he was either a seasoned pro, or that he had been studying the art of manipulating women. His persistence even continued in the morning.  He didn’t like being refused what he seemed to consider his right! He was out of luck!  I just wanted him to go away.  To be honest, I had enjoyed our debating & intellectualising about everything from religion to the speed of light!  ( spoiled only by the attempted groping & letching.)   I did feel a bit sorry for him, I have been married 3 times, been cheated on & lied to by experts, plus of course I have brought up 5 sons. Nothing much male orientated fazes me.

As as we parted, he accused me of being a lesbian – no surprise by that comment!  I didn’t even bother to justify my actions, or lack of them. I couldn’t be bothered!

I was due to meet a group of friends a short time later, & realised that I was smiling from ear to ear as I went into town, feeling so happy with my freedom.  The group was enhanced by a new lady, we hit it off immediately. We chatted for over 4 hours.  No innuendos, no sexual motivations, no cross questioning – just friendship……………

Since then I have been putting my priorities into order.

I love my life. I love my flat. I love my friends & my cat.  Why on earth would I want to throw it all away?

I don’t need to search for a new partner.  Maybe the Universal plan is for me to find new love whether it be male, female, black, white, human, animal or global. There are so many ways to have love in your life.  I love my family, I gave birth to 5 beautiful sons & have made some friendships that have lasted the test of time. I am so blessed by having a full & happy life, yet risked so much in search of the illusion of ‘perfect ‘ love.

I am already in love, with life!   I realise that now.

I hope that I won’t be tested like this again, but maybe I will need to strengthen my resolve if it begins to wane.      No one is above doubting themselves occasionally                                                                                            But I am certain that I will not compromise myself, just to ‘fit in’.   I won’t just ‘make do’.  I enjoy being me.  No arguments, no shouting, no resentment! I understand that many people feel that they need the security of marriage or partnership. That’s ok. But I’ve done that & it didn’t work for me.  I’m not anti man ,or anti sex, or anti marriage. What I have now, has taken me years to achieve.  I have inner peace.  I have no idea what will happen in the future, but I will accept whatever the Universe decides for me. I am happy with my decision. I choose to be happy.  I love being myself.

I wish you all the most wonderful fulfilling life, filled with love in it’s many forms.

Rosie x