I attend a writing course & am becoming more & more hooked on it. I am writing mainly short stories & poetry but still it isn’t enough. I don’t feel that I am ready to tackle a novel yet, although am playing with ideas on a semi autobiographical book, time will tell.
As I have previously said, I have set up as a motivational coach which is still in it’s formative stages. I get huge satisfaction in helping other people & have an overwhelming desire to put my crap life experience to good use, however a new idea has crept into my head & refuses to go away! This in itself is very typical of me, I regularly chop & change things , I couldn’t bear to be stuck in a rut! However my idea could entail hitting my new business on the head before it’s had time to get established & I’m not sure whether that is very sensible – Hey but who wants to be sensible?
I really, really, really want to work in the field of journalism but don’t want to give up on ‘Fulfilling Life’ (my business) so here lies my dilemma………………….
I have been thinking about trying to get a regular magazine or newspaper column, where I could continue to act as a motivator, but through a series of blog type articles, maybe helping with readers problems as well. It would seem to have everything that I have ever wanted all rolled into one! This brings up many insecurities. First & foremost I guess would be the obvious question of whether I am good enough? Could I hold write interesting articles & keep readers interest on a regular basis? Am I knowledgeable enough to put my views out there, for all the world to see & judge me? Another question is that of pride – I have advertised my new venture extensively & had so many good wishes that I would feel a failure if I gave it all up now. Of course the simple answer to that is that it shouldn’t make a jot of difference what people thought about my life choices, I tell people this all the time! It has taken me a long time to cultivate my confidence, something that has totally changed my life, so why am I having a bit of a wobble in case people think I’m taking the easy way out? The saddest part is that I know the answers to these questions but I am procrastinating – something I rarely do. I need to put my trust in the Universe, write my pitches & see what happens, so why isn’t it that easy?
I think if I’m honest with myself, the fact is that because I am so happy with my life, I’m worried about rocking the apple cart! It’s not about getting rich, or about becoming well known, or getting praise, it’s just that I feel that I have so much to give & want to find the best forum to do it. I have had many different ideas but my physical health limits me in what I can practically do. I have severe widespread pain, predominantly through Fibromyalgia, and have other issues too, which prevents me walking very far or for very long. I also have eyesight difficulties & some cognitive & balance problems but for far too long I allowed my disability to dictate what I could & couldn’t do. Now I do the exact opposite, I push myself far too far to prove that I won’t be stopped. This of course is a stupid way of doing things as my bedridden days prove!
So why am I unable to settle for what I already have? EASY! Because I am human! Just like the people that I help, I feel uncertain at times, and don’t know what to do, but as I would say to them,
” trust yourself, listen to your inner wisdom, it will never lie to you or let you down”.
I believe in those words. They have just worked for me too. I listened, like an outsider, to myself as I wrote it down & then was hit across the head by a huge sledgehammer, or more likely a feather, of realisation. I must stop doubting myself. We get back what we put out to the Universe. If I send out negative vibes, I can’t expect positive resolutions ! I will begin to research my markets, I will write my letters to pitch for work. I will put my faith & trust that the right thing for me will come about. Whatever the outcome, I will be grateful. It seems so obvious now!
Thankyou for giving me space to waffle & work things out. I don’t know if any of this will resonate with you but it has certainly been helpful to me. So in gratitude I will say goodnight X
Keep on blogging, keep on laughing, keep on loving,